TODO: Not all of the Vault Hunter's lines are here, working on it.

Mission card text: Assist a caped crime fighter to rescue a damsel!

(Accept Mission)

5UP4-3G0-TP: Ta-da-daaaa! Greetings! I am 5UP4-3G0-TP, righter of wrongs and wronger of rights! I seek a sidekick to aid me in the dramatic rescue of a fair lady. Are you with me?

  • Athena (if present): Yes.
  • Wilhelm (if present):
  • Nisha (if present):
  • Claptrap (if present): Oh, boy! Am I ever! Let's right that wrong!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah, this, uh... could be a good role for me.
  • Aurelia (if present): Well, I'll certainly give it a good shot!

5UP4-3G0-TP: Excellent! My arch-nemesis, Rex Loader has captured the lovely Damsel DeStress and tied her to a train track, the dastardly fiend! We must rescue her and thereby earn her undying gratitude. Not that we heroes care about such things. Ahem! Updating your ECHO with her location. Awaaaay!

(Arrive at Recollection Flats)

  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Athena, if present): Beware, warrior-lady sidekick!
  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Wilhelm, if present):
  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Nisha, if present): Beware, gunfighter-lady sidekick!
  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Claptrap, if present): Beware, oddly familiar-looking sidekick!
  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Jack2, if present): Beware, extreme method-actor sidekick!
  • 5UP4-3G0-TP (to Aurelia, if present): Beware, deadly-hunter sidekick!

5UP4-3G0-TP: Rex Loader's goons are on their way, determined to prevent my -- I mean, OUR -- super-heroic rescue!

5UP4-3G0-TP: I said, "Oh no! Rex Loader's goons are coming!"

(Airship approaches)

Rex Loader: You're too late, 5UP4-3G0-TP! Damsel DeStress will die -- HORRIBLY! Mwahahahahahaha!

5UP4-3G0-TP: We'll see about that, Rex!

Damsel DeStress: Seriously?! We're doing the "helpless woman tied to the train tracks" thing?

  • Athena (if present): Wow. We are butt-deep in cliché here.
  • Wilhelm (if present):
  • Nisha (if present): This place is making me feel angry.
  • Claptrap (if present): Wooooow! This is INTENSE!
  • Jack2 (if present): Hey, you gotta tie 'em somewhere.
  • Aurelia (if present): If she's going to die horribly, this might not be such a bust!

5UP4-3G0-TP: Rex! Ouch! When will you learn -- OWWW! -- that evil never triumphs?!

Rex Loader: NEVER! Rex Loader doesn't do "learn"!

Rex Loader: You like that?! Hmm?! There's plenty more of that!

5UP4-3G0-TP: Yeah?

Rex Loader: Yeah?

5UP4-3G0-TP: Yeaah?!

Rex Loader: Yeaah?!


Rex Loader: YEAAAH?!

(Minions are defeated)

5UP4-3G0-TP: Fear not, Miss DeStress! My trusty sidekick and I will save you! Ta-DAAAA!

(Rescue Damsel DeStress)

Damsel DeStress: I don't need bloody saving.

Rex Loader: Hey! But... I'm evil!

Damsel DeStress: And why do I look like... this?!

5UP4-3G0-TP: No! You need me to save you! You're not, not... HER!

(Damsel DeStress turns into Felicity Rampant)

Felicity Rampant: You had your chance, but chose to murder me. No amount of "let's pretend" can change that!


Felicity Rampant: You're the only REAL villain here.

5UP4-3G0-TP: Fine! Have it your way! I'm the villain. I guess that means I should sic my evil henchmen on you then, right?

5UP4-3G0-TP: Fly, my beauties!

5UP4-3G0-TP: And now I turn tail and run, leaving you to die, is that right? That "villainous" enough for you?! Evil laugh!

(Insecurity forces are defeated)

5UP4-3G0-TP: Ta-da-da! I return, the hero after all! Here to save my former sidekick from your LIES, Felicity!

(5UP4-3G0-TP is killed)

5UP4-3G0-TP: Ta-da-daaa...

5UP4-3G0-TP: Forgive... me.

Felicity Rampant: Don't give that "hero" the satisfaction. I'll reward you for your trouble.

(mission is turned in)

Felicity Rampant: Thank you. Those responsible for Felicity's demise MUST be held accountable for their actions, don't you think?

  • Athena (if present): Debatable, but you're welcome.
  • Wilhelm (if present):
  • Nisha (if present): The only things that need to be held accountable are my ammo supply and my bank account.
  • Claptrap (if present): I kinda liked the flying guy.
  • Jack2 (if present): Uh, heh, look, I don't -- I don't know, I'm just an actor. Talk to my agent?
  • Aurelia (if present): I suppose. Though a lady of my stature has people who can be held accountable in her stead.

5UP4-3G0-TP: I only wanted to save her... I don't know what I did wrong.

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