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Boarding Party/Transcript

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Boarding Party

(Accept mission)

Jack: Hey, so, uh, I did some spying on you guys -- like friendly spying, not creepy spying -- and those files are in the Central Terminal. Just in case any of those Dahl bastards survive this, I don't want them coming after you, soooo... go find 'em.


(Pick up ECHO #1)

Jack (on ECHO): Angel, pull up whatever we've got on Athena.

Knoxx (on ECHO): Hnnnng, this is Knoxx. Today at 0300 hours, Lance Assassin Athena went AWOL, killing nine and a half Crimson Lance soldiers in the process. One of 'em got cut in two. Vertically. He's alive, but he's gotta hop everywhere. Anyway, my guess is she wasn't psyched about the Atlas high command duping her into murdering her sister, which -- great idea, morons. You wanna kill somebody, you hire someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about the job. Regardless, she escaped -- with any luck she'll come back one day and kill all of us. Knoxx out.

  • Athena (if present): Wise General Knoxx. Shame he had to die.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Knoxx... that guy with the sickass robot suit? YOU killed him? Not bad!
  • Nisha (if present): They made you kill your own sister? Ha!
  • Claptrap (if present): Good ol' General Knoxx! He was the nicest, politest, most suicidal killing machine you ever could meet! That's why I revived him during my robolution and-- ERROR. FILES LOCKED.
  • Jack2 (if present): Your own sisters? God.
  • Aurelia (if present): Aww, you got a sad little backstory. Well done. (needs confirmation)


(Pick up ECHO #2)

Jack (on ECHO): Lemme hear what you got on Nisha, Angel.

Angel (on ECHO): Sure.

Judge Lawton (on ECHO): All counties for the gunslinger known as "Nisha"! Wanted for bank robbery, public inebriation, and murder of several elected officials!

Jack (on ECHO): "Murdering public officials"? Nahnahnah, that sounds like a bandit to me.

Angel (on ECHO): The "officials" in question were bandit leaders who murdered their way into positions of power. The cities were one step above bandit camps.

Jack (on ECHO): Oh, so she's like a bandit who kills other bandits? Nice. Is she, uh, seeing anybody?

  • Athena (if present): Sounds like Vault Hunter material to me.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Killin' bandits, getting paid for it... you musta been livin' the life.
  • Nisha (if present): Heh. Cute
  • Claptrap (if present): Nisha and Jack, sitting in a tree. K-I-Z-Z-my-spelling-circuits-were-replaced-with-weapons-protocols.
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah, I'm a real charmer.
  • Aurelia (if present): I'm certain your sex will be horrifying.


(Pick up ECHO #3)

Jack (on ECHO): Alright, let's turn him on.

Claptrap (on ECHO): Hello, traveler! Ready to dance? Uhntssuhntssuhntssuhntssuhntss--

Jack (on ECHO): -- Shut it off. SHUT IT OFF!

Claptrap (on ECHO): Uhn -- tsssssssss...

Jack (on ECHO): How am I supposed to create an all-powerful robot soldier when it WON'T! *clang* STOP! *clang* DANCING! *clang*

Angel (on ECHO): You're fighting against its basic programming. You need to work WITH its idiocy, not against it.

Jack (on ECHO): That's... actually a really good idea. Thanks, baby! Love ya.

  • Athena (if present): He should have destroyed that thing when he had the chance.
  • Wilhelm (if present): So Jack's to blame for all the friggin' dancin'? Great.
  • Nisha (if present): Shoulda killed it when you had the chance, Jack.
  • Claptrap (if present): Awwww! I was a labor of love! And desperation and pride and anger!
  • Jack2 (if present): I dislike Claptrap, and hope he dies.
  • Aurelia (if present): What an absolute tragedy.


(Pick up ECHO #4)

Jack (on ECHO): So what do we got on Wilhelm?

Angel (on ECHO): Highly trained mercenary. He's worked for every corporation under the sun and has a kill count on par with the population of a small country.

Jack (on ECHO): Sounds like just what we're looking for. Any downsides?

Angel (on ECHO): He was born with a very mild case of bone waste, which means he's had a lot of skeletal implants. Subsequently, he may have gotten addicted to cybernetic enhancements.

Jack (on ECHO): He's addicted to surgically shoving metal into his body?

Angel (on ECHO): Yes. He'd be a good hire, but you run the risk of him being more machine than man after several years of service.

Jack (on ECHO): Frankly, Angel... that sounds totally awesome. Sign him up.

  • Athena (if present): Never been one for cyber-enhancements. Machines can fail. Swords can't.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Call me an addict all you want. I'll be the guy shooting lasers out of my eyes while you're dying of turbocancer.
  • Nisha (if present): You LIKE surgery? I thought I was into the dark stuff.
  • Claptrap (if present): I hope you know what you're doing, Wilhelm -- in a few years, you could look just like... ME! DUN DUNDUNNNN!
  • Jack2 (if present): Addicted to surgeries. YOU'RE insane. Just getting my face changed was like being stabbed in the skull with a rusty screwdriver for eight hours.
  • Aurelia (if present): In his defense, cyborgs ARE ludicrously cool.

Jack: Great -- now Zarpedon's men won't be able to track you once this is all over. Head back... whenever.


(Turn in)

Jack: You, uh, didn't hear the part where I asked if Nisha was single, did you?

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