(Vault Hunter enters Dr. Zed's clinic)
Hyperion Soldier: I'M STARVING! I WANNA EAT YOUR BABIES!
Dr. Zed: Son, this might sting a little.
(Title card for Dr. Zed: Do No Harm)
Dr. Zed: Hey! Roland's boys caught this Hyperion jerkbag tryin' to sneak into the city. Looks like they messed up his lungs -- dude needs surgery bad. Get over here -- you're gonna be my operatin' assistant.
(Vault Hunter approaches the "patient")
Dr. Zed: Alright. Make a small incision just below his sternum, but be careful -- we don't want to nick the coronary artery.
(Vault Hunter performs "surgery", Eridium shard pops out of the "patient's" body and falls down on the floor)
Dr. Zed: Close enough.
Dr. Zed: An Eridium shard? Aw, fer -- how many times I tell you idiots? You can't get slag powers by swallowin' this stuff! That shard ain't no good in the Black Market -- it isn't refined yet. You could probly take it to that Tannis lady on the other side of town. She's real into that Eridium stuff, when she ain't actin' all hoity-toity cause she's got a "real" doctorate. Oh, and lemme know if you're lookin' for work -- I got stuff needs doin'.
(As Vault Hunter picks up the shard ..)
Dr. Zed: Hgghh ... god as my witness, one day I will find a usable spleen.
(Vault Hunter heads over to Dr. Tannis)
(Intro scene Dr. Tannis)
(Title card for Dr. Tannis: Insane(ly smart))
Dr. Tannis: Wait, you're not Roland, or even of close facial symmetry. However, you've brought Eridium, and thus I can feel my loins skitter forth from retirement. Oh, don't give me overshare face! Hand it over.
Dr. Tannis: After hours of scientific insanity you could only imagine in your dreams -- or in my bed, standing offer -- I have deduced that Jack, the Vault Key, and the Eridium are all connected on a deeper level.
(As Vault Hunter turns in the mission to Dr. Tannis ...)
Dr. Zed: Come on back whenever ya need some healin'. Long as you ain't scared of a little tetanus, anyways.