Fandom

Borderlands Wiki

Home Sweet Home/Transcript

< Home Sweet Home

4,567pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

To do:

  • missing quotes when passing the claptrap shop


(Accept mission)

Moxxi: I stashed some loot away for a special occasion -- guess this qualifies. Help yourselves.


(Loot and return to Jack)

Jack: Alright, here we go, everybody. The jamming signal's down, we've got a robot army, and it's time to get back to Helios and turn off that death-laser.

Lilith: Roland and I will head up with you guys and provide support.

Moxxi: And I'll be cheerin' you on from the cozy confines of this cantina.

Jack: I dunno how hairy things have gotten up there, so... be prepared for anything.

Jack: Let's go. We'll fast travel up there first. You follow behind.

Roland: If we don't shut that laser down soon, we can kiss this whole moon goodbye!

Lilith: See ya on the other side, kiddo.

Roland: What she said.

Jack: Let's be heroes.


(Travel to Hyperion Hub of Heroism)

Roland: Where is everybody?

Lilith: Crap. I think we're on the other side of Helios.

Jack: Crap. Looks like the fast travel split us all up. Doesn't change the plan, though: get to the Eye of Helios command center, shut the laser down WITHOUT damaging it, save the moon, and be hailed as a hero forever. Sound good? Course it does.


(Enter Central Terminal)

Tassiter: John? W-what the hell are you doing?! I fired you!

Jack: And you'll be thanking me once Helios is back in Hyperion hands.

Tassiter: And what have you done to the station? The color scheme is all--

Jack: --Yeah, red and black were a little grim. Yellow POPS better, don't you think? Anyway, can't fire me, sucka, you already did! Later!

Jack: Well, station still seems more or less in one piece. How about you? You holdin' up?

  • Athena (if present): Don't understand the question. Heading to objective now.
  • Wilhelm (if present): I felt bad for that AI we erased. Or I'm just jealous she got a cool robot body -- I dunno.
  • Nisha (if present): Killin' that AI chick was pretty fun, so -- yeah. Feelin' good. thanks for askin'.
  • Claptrap (if present): Ohhhh, just having an existential crisis about what we did to Felicity. If our personalities can be deleted at the drop of a hat, then what makes us, us? That kind of thing!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah -- uh, feeling kinda bad about Felicity. I mean, not THAT bad. But, I dunno, yeah, kinda bad.
  • Aurelia (if present): Oh, just trying to forget about Felicity and focus on enjoying my vacation.

Jack: Alright, cool. I'll meet up with you later, we can talk some more then.


(Pass claptrap shop)

  • Athena (if present): A Claptrap shop?
  • Wilhelm (if present): That a claptrap shop?
  • Nisha (if present): Is that a Claptrap shop?
  • Claptrap (if present): (missing)
  • Jack2 (if present): A claptrap shop?
  • Aurelia (if present): A shop full of claptraps? So, hell's lowest tier, then.

Jack: Yeah, the damn things break down so much we had to set up a little claptrap creation station. Lost Legion shut it down, but there's probably one or two claps still kicking around in there.


(Approach access tunnels)

Zarpedon: Jamming signal or no, this station is MINE, Vault Hunter.

Jack: Gaah -- she's locked the path! We can't get to the Eye of Helios! But we shut down the jamming signal, I don't -- alright, whatever, just get back to my office. Maybe we can lower the defenses from there.

Zarpedon: They've breached Helios -- intensify firepower!

Jack: Oh, hell -- she's focusing the laser!


(Approach door to office)

Hyperion: Authorization required. Please step into the scanner.

Hyperion: Please press the button to activate the scanner.


(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Unknown user detected. Authorization denied.

Jack: Rrrgh -- maybe you can get a CL4P-TP to authorize you. There should be one nearby.

  • Jack (to human): And, uh -- sorry in advance.
  • Jack (to Claptrap): Don't bother trying to open it yourself, Fragtrap. I wiped your door-opening functions when I filled your hard drive with weapons training and stair-climbing protocols.
  • Claptrap (if present): WHAT HAVE I BECOOOOOOOOOME?!


(Open container)

CL4P-TP: Hello! I am a CL4P--

  • Athena (if present): --I need to get into Jack's office.
  • Wilhelm (if present): --The door to Jack's office is locked and I need in.
  • Nisha (if present): --Yeah, great. Need you to unlock Jack's office.
  • Claptrap (if present): --Don't rub it in! I need you... (sigh) ... to open the door to Jack's office.
  • Jack2 (if present): Stop talking. I just need a door opened.
  • Aurelia (if present): Please take me to Jack's office with the absolute minimum of speaking.

CL4P-TP: Okay! I shall lead the way!

  • Claptrap (if present): You have no idea how lucky you are. Rolling around on your non-stair-climbing wheel, opening doors like it's no big deal. You have no idea how good you've got it. You disgust me.

CL4P-TP: Is that the door? I'll have it open in no time!

CL4P-TP: Hmm, the door's locked! I can easily override it at a panel nearby!

  • Claptrap (if present): Oh my GOD I hate that guy so much!

CL4P-TP: Aaaaand, open!

  • Athena (if present): That wasn't the door I needed open!
  • Wilhelm (if present): That ain't the door, you bucket of dumb!
  • Nisha (if present): Wrong door, dumbass.
  • Claptrap (if present): That wasn't the right door! You call yourself a claptrap?!
  • Jack2 (if present): Wrong door, moron!
  • Aurelia (if present): Wrong door, you inebriate!

CL4P-TP: Oh, ginger snaps! Guess I'll have to start over!

  • Athena (if present): You're kidding me.
  • Wilhelm (if present): You're pissing me off, clap!
  • Nisha (if present): Oh COME ON.
  • Claptrap (if present): YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT TO THE FAMILY!
  • Jack2 (if present): GOD, YOU'RE SUPER STUPID!
  • Aurelia (if present): This is why you NEVER use robot help!

Hyperion: HVAC system overloaded.

CL4P-TP: Oh look! It's -- it's snowing!

  • Athena (if present): I don't care.
  • Wilhelm (if present): SO THE HELL WHAT?!
  • Nisha (if present): NOBODY CARES! Keep working.
  • Claptrap (if present): I HATE SNOW! HURRY THE HELL UP!
  • Jack2 (if present): JUST STOP SCREWING AROUND, YOU IDIOT!
  • Aurelia (if present): Darling, my patience is expiring at a CATACLYSMIC rate!

Hyperion: Warning: wind speeds exceeding nominal values.

CL4P-TP: Looks like I created a snow tornado! Hooray!

CL4P-TP: I may screw up from time to time, but I love myself and that's what really matters!

  • Athena (if present): NO IT IS NOT!
  • Wilhelm (if present): NO IT AIN'T!
  • Nisha (if present): NO IT ISN'T!
  • Claptrap (if present): NO! IT ISN'T!
  • Jack2 (if present): OF COURSE IT ISN'T!
  • Aurelia (if present): It ABSOLUTELY is NOT!


(Kill all hostiles)

Hyperion: HVAC system equalized.

CL4P-TP: Awwww!

CL4P-TP: I'm moving to another fuse box! Follow me!

  • Athena (if present): Uh-huh. Sure.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Shut up and hurry!
  • Nisha (if present): Yeah, I'm sure this'll work out great.
  • Claptrap (if present): STOP TALKING AND GET IT DONE!
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm so sick of you.
  • Aurelia (if present): I grow TIRED of this!

CL4P-TP: I think I got it! Somebody use the scanner, please!


(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Access denied. Scans reveal subject is a cat wearing a birthday cap.

Birthday Cat: Meow. Birthday Cat. I like to party. (note: these appear in random order)

CL4P-TP: Whoopsie-daisy! I may have messed up the scanner. Give me a little bit more time!

Birthday Cat: Yo. Birthday Cat. What's up?

Birthday Cat: Meow. Where's the party?

Birthday Cat: Hey everybody. Let's get meow. I mean... down.

Birthday Cat: Alright, so, my thought on this is: ... Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow. This sin't even my hat.

Birthday Cat: Meow. I'm 37.

Birthday Cat: This party is going to be purr-fect. Meow.

Birthday Cat: Meow. My girlfriend's name is Tanna.


(Kill all hostiles)

CL4P-TP: Alright, activate the scanner! I've probably got it right this time!


(Press scanner button)

Hyperion: Access denied. Scans reveal subject is a racist hot dog.

Racist Hot Dog: I DON'T LIKE THESE TRUXICANS LOOKIN' AT OUR HAMSTERS! (note: these appear in random order)

CL4P-TP: Darn! I was sure the racist hot dog workaround would do it! Oh well -- time to try again!

Racist Hot Dog: GO BACK TO THE LIBRARY, YA BOOK-READIN' TRUXICAN!

Racist Hot Dog: WHOOOO-EE! I'M FULLA HATE!

Racist Hot Dog: GET OFF MY LAWN YOU MOSS-PUNCHIN' TRUXICANS!

Racist Hot Dog: TRUXICANS'RE RUININ' THIS COUNTRY!

Racist Hot Dog: WELL I SAY WE DEPORT ALL OF 'EM! ALLLLL OF 'EM! IT'S MY RIGHT!

Racist Hot Dog: THESE GOD-DAMN TRUXICANS THINK THEY CAN DANCE BETTER THAN ME?!

Racist Hot Dog: WHAT'RE YOU LOOKIN' AT MUSTARD-SNIFFER?

Racist Hot Dog: I'M RACIST!


(Kill all hostiles)

Hyperion: Door interface unlocked. Please integrate with terminal to open door.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Ooh, does the racist hot dog come back?

Athena: No.

Tiny Tina: WORST STORY EVER!

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


CL4P-TP: Oh gee, I dunno about that. Integration can be kind of dangerous--

  • Athena (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Wilhelm (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Nisha (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Claptrap (if present): --DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Jack2 (if present): DO IT OR I'LL KILL YOU.
  • Aurelia (if present): DO IT OR I'LL HAVE YOU DISMANTLED AND--

CL4P-TP: O-kay!

Hyperion: Integration commencing.

CL4P-TP: Hghghghhghghghghghgghghghg!

Hyperion: User authorized. Have a nice day.

CL4P-TP: I'm... dying! I'm dying!

  • Athena (if present): Noted.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Ugh... poor robot.
  • Nisha (if present): Cool. Nobody cares.
  • Claptrap (if present): You disgraced the CL4P-TP name. And so I say to you: good day.
  • Jack2 (if present): Awesome.
  • Aurelia (if present): Well, karma does exist. Look at that.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: This is my favorite part of the story so far.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Enter Jack's Office)

Jack: Ah, you made it into the office? Great. Uh, do me a favor and turn on that fast travel in there, wouldya?


(Activate Fast Travel)

Jack: For now, I need you to take that claptrap you found and plug him into the security terminal. He can lower the defenses leading to the Eye of Helios laser.

  • Athena (if present): The claptrap died.
  • Wilhelm (if present): That dumbass died.
  • Nisha (if present): Uh, that claptrap kicked the bucket.
  • Claptrap (if present): That inferior claptrap died when the going got rough.
  • Jack2 (if present): The claptrap died, sir. Me. I mean... whatever. Dead, sir.
  • Aurelia (if present): The claptrap is no more, I'm not at all sad to say.

Jack: Are you KIDDING me?! I swear to god, if I ever become CEO I am going to destroy every last one of those friggin' things.

  • Athena (if present): Good.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Damn right.
  • Nisha (if present): Kickass.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'd disagree, but honestly, that guy was the worst, soooo...
  • Jack2 (if present): Great.
  • Aurelia (if present): Lovely!

Jack: Now we can't lower the Helios defenses. Uhhhh... lemme think, lemme think, lemme think...

Gladstone: Jack?! My team is pinned down in R&D -- we're bloody surrounded!

Jack: Sorry, Gladstone, but I...

Jack: ... just had an idea. Vault Hunters, get to R&D and rescue Gladstone's team. They can hack those defenses for us and open the way to the Eye.

Jack: God, I'm smart.


(In Hyperion Hub of Heroism, on way to R&D)

Jack: Hey, here's a thought, Zarpederp -- why don't you just NOT destroy the moon and kill hundreds of innocent people?

Zarpedon: Hundreds now to save millions later. And my name is Zarpedon. Tungsteena Zarpedon.

Jack: Paaahahahahah! Tungsteena Zarpedon -- you must have been SUPER popular in high school! My GOD, your parents were assholes!


(Enter Research and Development)

Gladstone: Oh, glad you made it! Come find me, but be careful -- the torks broke outta their cages.


(Enter Indigenous Species Research)

Gladstone: Kill those torks so we can talk!

Jack: Now that I think about it, I do remember Gladstone. He helped set up R&D on his own -- hired the team all by himself, made a lot of pretty cool stuff. He's a decent enough guy.

Gladstone: Never be safe so long as that laser's still firing.


(Kill torks, approach Gladstone)

Gladstone: I think I can get you to the Eye of Helios. But I need some help.


(Turn in)

Gladstone: Sorry I messed up. I shouldn't have let myself get trapped in here.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki