Fandom

Borderlands Wiki

Intelligences of the Artificial Persuasion/Transcript

< Intelligences of the Artificial Persuasion

4,536pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Springs: Moxxi said you're after some military AI. Big soz, but your best bet's a mate of mine, a little ankle-biter by the name of Pickle. Lives in the Outlands. He's almost impossible to reach, mind, but I can help with that. Take this scrambler.


(Take scrambler)

Springs: Now, then -- I'll upload coordinates of an old Dahl garage to your ECHO. Get goin', I'll explain on the way!


(Arrive in Triton Flats)

Springs: It ain't easy to get to Pickle's place on foot, but I can help you out with -- ready for it? -- a Stingray. It's old Dahl tech. They're not much to look at, but Moxxi tinkered with the design so now they jump like a skag in heat. Problem is, Stingrays aren't easy to get your meathunks on. So happens that scrambler, uh... came my way. It's supposed to unlock digistructing at that old Dahl garage I'm sending you to. Once you unlock a Stingray there, I'll fix it so all Moon Zoomies are Stingray'd up.


(Arrive in Shimmer Island's garage)

Springs: I forgot about that door! Combo's 8-0-0-8 -- don't ask me how I know. At least the place still has power!


(Input code)

Springs: Before Dahl upped skirts and left Elpis, the integrated Moxxi's improvements into the production model. They'd deny it though. Plug in the scrambler to that digistruct machine.


(Use station)

Springs: Yeah, that's it! Now just order yourself up a Stingray!


(Deploy Stingray from Moon Zoomy station)

Springs: Bonza! And, I've been able to hack their system to copy a fresh plan over, so you'll be able to digistruct these anywhere from now on. Now get your backside to see Pickle -- though feel free to get a feel for her first, see what she can do!


(Approach Split Fire Pass)

Springs: Now you're on a Stingray, you can jump that, no worries. Prob'ly.


(Jump gap)

Springs: Nice! I've told Pickle you're coming -- just go meet him.


(Enter Outlands Canyon)

Zarpedon: Vault Hunter, this is Colonel Zarpedon of the Lost Legion. Soon, Elpis will be rubble. I will be dead from the explosion, along with everyone on Elpis and most of those living on Pandora below. I've seen you fight, and I respect your skill. If you agree to leave now, I will send you an interstellar ship. We will not follow you. Think it over.


(Normal Mode)

Lilith: Pretty good deal. Why didn't you take it?

Athena: What do you think we were? A bunch of mustache-twirling villains? Jack hired us to kill bad guys, get paid, and help people. No different from y--

Lilith: -- You say you're anything like us and I'll kill you where you stand.

Tiny Tina: Konnichiwa, errbody! Wanna play another round of Bunkers and Badasses?

Lilith: Not now, Tina.

Tiny Tina: Oh, right. Serious time. My bad.

(End Normal Mode)


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Athena. Athena! You're pretty.

Athena: I am sorry, but that means nothing to me. Years of Atlas training conditioned me to not care about superficial things like beauty. Attraction. Love.

Tiny Tina: Athena, you're real bad at taking compliments.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Approach Outlands Canyon's Fast Travel)

Roland: Hey -- it's Jack, right? I'm Roland. Moxxi dropped me a line, said you need a hand building robots? My, uh... colleague, Lilith and I spotted some old Dahl industrial complexes dotted around the area. A scout around might solve your hardware problem. We'll let you know.

Jack: Sounds good! ECHO me when you got something.


(Approach Pickle)

(Cutscene)

Pickle: Corrrr! The fings they got over there look bang tidy!

(Title card: Pickle -- Fingersmith & Scamp)

Pickle: 'Ere to 'elp, IF the price is right!

(End cutscene)


Pickle: Good to meet ya!

  • Athena (if present): Um... hello.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Talk.
  • Nisha (if present): Yadda yadda, whatchya got?
  • Claptrap (if present): The privilege is all mine!
  • Jack2 (if present): Hey, what's up, kid?
  • Aurelia (if present): I can already tell I'm going to regret this.

Pickle: Springs says you're trying to get yer mitts on some military AI. Well, it's yer lucky day! You can half-inch one from the Drakensburg! I hear The Bosun and The Skipper -- who run that place -- are well known collectors of rare and nifty intelligences of the artificial persuasion. Trouble is, it's not like you can just walk right up to the place and ask to have an AI.

  • Athena (if present): Still worth a shot.
  • Wilhelm (if present): I'm pretty sure I can.
  • Nisha (if present): Really? We'll see.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'm programmed to be foolishly optimistic in situations such as these -- so I totally can!
  • Jack2 (if present): Ehhhhh, I don't know about that.
  • Aurelia (if present): Incorrect.

Pickle: Cocky, eh?! Fair enough, they're a tricky pair, but maybe they'll let you on board right off the bat! I'm updating your ECHO with the most direct route there! Truth is, I've 'ad my eye on that wreck for a while, and you going in for a bit of a look-see would let me do a bit of shopping meself!


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Pickle. Dassa funny name.

Athena: He’s about your age.

Tiny Tina: I do not understand your meaning, madame. This boy sounds like a CHILD.

Athena: You’re a--

Brick: --She thinks she’s like thirty or somethin’. Don’t worry about it.

Tiny Tina: I am a LADY. I have lots of MENOPAUSE.

Brick: You got no idea what that means, do you?

Tiny Tina: Mm. Quite.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Enter Outlands Spur)

Pickle: The Drakensburg's a juicy wreck alright! Ex-Dahl frigate, don't ya know? Bet it's stuffed with tech I could half-inch pinch! The Bosun and Skipper 'ave been good at keepin' me out -- but now you're 'ere, that's about to change!


(Enter Processing Plant)

Pickle: The Drakensburg, ex-Dahl warship, and all that, crashed before the Crackenin', 'swhat they say.

Pickle: Now, a bunch of ripe smelling scavs live there, led by The Bosun and his friend, what's called The Skipper. Not that anyone knows what she looks like, which makes yer head scratch. Anyway, find a way inside, and don't be shy to say 'ello to the locals on the way.


(Enter bridge)

Skipper: Ahoy, landlubber. You look a little too much like trouble. How about you leave now, and The Bosun won't tear you to pieces. Whaddya say?

Pickle: Ha! Called it, din' I?!

  • Athena (if present): Got a Plan B, kid?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Fine. What now?
  • Nisha (if present): Fabulous. What now?
  • Claptrap (if present): I was totally wrong, which is super normal! Do you have an alternate plan to reach the Drakensburg?
  • Jack2 (if present): Great. Wonderful.
  • Aurelia (if present): What now? This is usually where I'd throw jewels at children and have them carry me where I need to go.

Pickle: Glad you asked! The bridge has a manual override nearby. I'm uploading its location to your ECHO.

The Bosun: Is that the squealin' little thief, Pickle I hear?! If you're with him I've got half a mind to let you over here so I can pull your legs off and make you go jogging!

Skipper: Listen, you and the kid should stay away. That was your one warning.


(Override bridge controls)

The Bosun: Alright then -- how about this?

The Bosun: BOOM!

The Bosun: I just blew up the only bridge! How you going to get across deadly lava now?!

Skipper: That was our only bridge, too.

Pickle: I need you to dump the methane from the reservoirs into the lava. We'll create our own path by cooling it off. This is gonna be ace!

The Bosun: I'm warning you kid! You and your pet Vault Hunter try any funny business and I'll wear your eyeballs as earrings!


(Dump methane)

The Bosun: Hahahahah, that your brilliant plan?! AHAHAHAHA!

Pickle: Just a bump in the road is all! I do have another bright idea, though.

The Bosun: I think our definitions of "bright" might be diametrically opposed! HA!

Pickle: The methane pumping station was shut down after the Crackenin'. Explains why there weren't no methane in the reservoirs. We need to reactivate the pumping station -- That'll do the job!

Pickle: Err, and by "we", I mean "you".


(Cross bridge to Pumping Station)

The Bosun: HA! I've got a few tricks up my sleeve!

The Bosun: Sleeves, I suppose. It's plural.


(Destroy SAM towers)

The Bosun: I just paid that off! RRRRGRGGHH!


(Enter Pumping Station area)

Pickle: I need you to turn on the flow of methane. There should be an activation console somewhere there.


(Approach console)

Skipper: I know what you're up to, kid. Probably won't work if I fill your Vault Hunter with bullets.


(Use console)

Pickle: I'm lovin' it large, mate! Keep it up!

Pickle: Hmm, the flow ain't getting through. Get to the Methane Treatment Plant and transfer it -- try to see what the deal is.


(Cross bridge back)

The Bosun: Suck on my best men, Vault Hunter!

Skipper: I promise you -- that sounded better in your head.


(Approach Treatment Plant)

Pickle: Lovely-bubbly! Now -- you ain't afraid of heights, are you?

  • Athena (if present): Nope.
  • Wilhelm (if present): No.
  • Nisha (if present): I'm not afraid, period.
  • Claptrap (if present): My stair-climbing wheel also comes with a free program upgrade that wiped me clean of vertigo, so no!
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm only a little... deathly, completely afraid of them.
  • Aurelia (if present): Afraid? Pahahahaha! "Afraid." That's good! Very good.

Pickle: Try lookin' up top for the valve.

Skipper: Round Two. You asked for it.

Pickle: Ha! After that last lot of losers, you'd better send someone a bit 'arder!

The Bosun: Good point! Honeybunches, send your meanes, grizzliest men to grind the Vault Hunter to meaty dust.

Skipper: Was already on it, my love.

  • Athena (if present): Stop giving the enemy tactical advice.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Close your mouth.
  • Nisha (if present): Shut your mouth, kid.
  • Claptrap (if present): Much as I enjoy your witty taunts, please refrain from offering our enemies any further advice!
  • Jack2 (if present): Stop giving them good advice!
  • Aurelia (if present): Please refrain from giving the baddies advice. There's a good lad.

Pickle: Soz! Got a bit carried away!


(Redirect flow)

Pickle: That's marvelous! Now, get back to the bridge and turn on the main flow.

The Bosun: My best men will gladly meet you there, Vault Hunter, to boil you in the juices of their skill!

Pickle: You're creepy, mister! I thought the last ones we killed were your best men!

The Bosun: Nah. We've got more.

Pickle: Oh, right.


(Return to Processing Plant, see frozen methane)

  • Athena (if present): Unfortunate smell.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Thank the Almighty Robot Policeman I lost my sense of smell.
  • Nisha (if present): Yeuch.
  • Claptrap (if present): Eughhh! WHY did they give me olfactory sensors?!
  • Jack2 (if present): Hrkk -- oooh, that's a fart smell.
  • Aurelia (if present): Ohhh! Almost missed these ghastly stenches, locked in my scent-proof turbomansion.


(Dump Methane)

Pickle: The lake should be safe now! Let's get to the Drakensburg so you can find that AI you need.

The Bosun: You know ya got no chance, Vault Hunter. I got an army and you got a precocious little arsehole!


(Cross methane)

The Bosun: The Drakensburg is MINE! Not yours! You can pour as many liquid farts into the ground as you want, it won't get you a single step closer to my domain!


(Enter Pity's Fall)

Pickle: This used to be Zarpedon's own ship, you know. Before she got promoted, I mean. They say it was went down before the Crackening happened. Imagine that -- (whistling noise) Crash! Bang! Oo, would 'ave been something to see.

Tassiter: John! I want an update on the Helios situation.

Jack: Sir, I've got my best people working on a way to retake the station.

Pickle: That's the Hyperion CEO? Is he as much of a bottle-and-glass arse as I hear?

Tassiter: Who the hell is that?

Jack: That is the ten year old boy we hired to help us.

Tassiter: You're fired, John.


(Enter Drakensburg)

The Bosun: How dare you board my vessel, after all my polite warnings! Prepare to die! Horribly!


(Approach passage to Command Center)

The Bosun: Evil laugh! Hahahahaha! I'm the captain of this vessel, and you, squalid looter, will soon face my wrath!

The Bosun: Actually, as I've just blocked the path to my wrath, you'll face my men's wrath instead! My girlfriend and I will enjoy watching you from the safety of the Captain's Chamber, won't we, my luscious snuggle-bunny?

Skipper: Yep.

The Bosun: We've talked about this, my love! You're to address me as "baby", or "my dear" -- especially in front of the others!

Skipper: Of course, my... dear Bosey.

The Bosun: Maties! Attack!


(Survive attack)

Skipper: Hey there, sorry about all... that. Look, I'm not really with Captain Arsecrack here -- to prove it, I'll pop the door for you.

Skipper: If you want that force field down, you need to go to the engine room.

Pickle: Alright, lady -- but I'm watchin' you!

Skipper: Listen, the Bosun's pretty much holding me prisoner and making me do... things, for his entertainment. But you're here, and you look like the rescuing type!

Pickle: They're a flippin' Vault Hunter, so they're more the arse-kickin' type!

Skipper: Kinda the same thing in my book.

  • Athena (if present): Sorry, my mission is to retrieve a military AI.
  • Wilhelm (if present): No. I'm here for a military AI.
  • Nisha (if present): Forget it, I'm here for a military grade AI.
  • Claptrap (if present): Uh, sorry. I'm really here to find a military AI.
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm sorry, I'm here for the military AI.
  • Aurelia (if present): I'm here for a military AI, my dear, not a damsel.

Skipper: Perfect! I know exactly where you can get an excellent military AI! Just come find me. First, I'll have to show you how to shut down The Bosun's barrier.

Pickle: Hmmm. Reckon she's onto something!

  • Athena (if present): I'm not comfortable with this, but... okay.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Fine.
  • Nisha (if present): Greeeat.
  • Claptrap (if present): Um, yarr?
  • Jack2 (if present): Cool. This'll be fine. Surely.
  • Aurelia (if present): As long as I get to kill things, it's all the same to me, darling.

Skipper: Great! I'll try to help along the way where possible, but I can't let the Bosun know we're orking together, so... sorry in advance for anything I have to do. I'll be in touch when you get to the engine room.


(Enter Starboard Ascent)

Skipper: Sorry about this, but I'm going to have to defend the engine room for The Bosun -- and these old Dahl SAMs are tough.


(Destroy SAM)

Skipper: I did tell you they were tough.


(Approach Hangar Bay)

Pickle: Cor! Get yer peepers on that! 'Ello there, shiny converter! Fancy meetin' you 'ere!

Skipper: Don't take that, kid. It's not yours.

The Bosun: What?! Stop him, my fluffy koalanid! The tiny thieving rat! Crush him! Burn him!

Skipper: Calm down, dear, I'm doing my best.

Skipper: Actually, I'm not. This is fun!


(Enter Briefing Room)

Jack: Hey kid, are you sure this place actually HAS a combat AI? These pirate dickbags just sound nuts.

Pickle: Word is, before The Bosun went native, 'e was some kinda tech whizz. Not that you'd think it now 'e's gone all mum-and-dad mad. But what do you care? Didn't you just get fired?

Jack: And when I march up to Helios with an army of badass robots, I'll be un-fired so quickly it'll make Tassiter's pedo-mustache spin off his gross ugly face. Just get the AI core.

Pickle: Uh, okay.


(Get to Engine Room door)

Skipper: We can bring down the force-field blocking your route to... well, me, by jettisoning the main engines. Removing them will really mess up several of the Drakensburg key systems. I'll quietly talk you through things, and update your ECHO where appropriate, but The Bosun's going to throw a LOT of his men at you.

  • Athena (if present): Nothing I can't handle.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Let them come.
  • Nisha (if present): Bring 'em on.
  • Claptrap (if present): Sadly, my new programming doesn't inlude a suitably macho response to your statement!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah! No problem! I'm Jack, I can handle it.
  • Aurelia (if present): Perrrrrfect!

Skipper: First, head to the engine control panel and set the ship's engines to maximum output.


(Set engines to full power)

The Bosun: What?! What's happening down there?

Skipper: Nothing, dear, it's all under control!

Skipper: Great! Kid, can you find a way to the flow regulator, if you know what that is?

Pickle: Course I know! Gimme a sec.

Pickle: I'm there, Lady!

Skipper: There's a yellow button next to the red pipe. Push it.

Pickle: There you go!

Skipper: You know what to do, Vault Hunter.


(Destroy flow regulator)

The Bosun: What the hell are you doing to my ship, Vault Hunter?! And why haven't you dealt with them, my sweet?!

Skipper: Good work, that's done it! Now all you need to do is expose the power stabilizer.

Skipper: -- Uh, I don't understand it, love!


(Open power stabilizer)

The Bosun: Leave that alone, Vault Arse-pain!

Skipper: Shoot it and we're almost done!


(Destroy power stabilizer)

Dahl: Warning! Ship's engine output at critical level, maggots!

The Bosun: I'll... I'll pull your brain out of your ears and dance on your skull, with shoes made of acid!

Skipper: And HOW are you going to put those shoes on? Honestly, you just blurt out threats without thinking.

Skipper: -- Good! Initiate the engine jettison sequence!


(Jettison engine)

Dahl: Main engine jettisoned. Switching to crappy emergency power!

The Bosun: Nooo! My lovely engine!

Skipper: There, there.

Skipper: Strictly speaking, you didn't ACTUALLY need to do that last bit -- but I knew it would annoy him, so I thought... why not?

Pickle: Job well done! You're on yer own, Vault Hunter -- I've got fresh loot to sort!

Skipper: Head back to the core system room -- we'll take care of The Bosun's force field when you get there. The engine shaft's your fastest route.


(Enter Shattered Aft)

The Bosun: Alright insects, this ends here! I'm sending in my best man to FINISH YOU OFF. He's called Poop Deck because he kicks so much ass! Get it? GET IT?! Well you're gonna! Sweetie pie, open up the door!

Poop Deck: RARRRRR!

The Bosun: Poop Deck! NOOOOO!

Skipper: Oops! Sorry! Did you want me to keep them open too?

The Bosun: What is WRONG with you, my love? Poop Deck always had the nicest things to say about you!

Skipper: Oh, I know.


(Deactivate force field)

Skipper: There! You can get to the Command Room now.

The Bosun: Know what, Vault Hunter?! I WANT you to reach me! I WANT you to have my boot -- my real one, NOT made of acid because I realize now that would be unrealistic -- my boot crushing your mangy body to be the last thing you feel!

Skipper: Better.


(Cross bridge to command center)

Zarpedon: Citizens of Elpis. You must understand -- this measure is necessary.


(Enter Command Center)

(Cutscene)

The Bosun: Now I'm REALLY pissed off!

The Bosun: Welcome to your death, landlubber!

(Title Card: The Bosun -- Time to grow some)

(End Cutscene)


(Boss fight vs The Bosun, Bosun near death)

The Bosun: Goodbye, my sweet skipper! I know you never betrayed me...

Skipper: Actually, I totally did. Sick idiot.

The Bosun: Skipper, noooooooo!


(Bosun killed)

Skipper: You need to come open this door now, Vault Hunter.


(Enter AI Hub)

Pickle: Wow! The Skipper's an AI! Well, blow my cotton socks off!

Skipper: Got it in one, kid. You're sharp. The Bosun, aka Keith, used to be an AI tech working for Dahl. He made me into... this after he, uh... wasn't exactly a hit with the ladies.

  • Athena (if present): You promised a military AI core. What's its location?
  • Wilhelm (if present): I want that military-grade AI core. Where is it?
  • Nisha (if present): Swell. I need that military AI core -- where is it?
  • Claptrap (if present): Greetings, pretty lady! Where's that nifty military AI core you promised?
  • Jack2 (if present): Wow and -- super cool. Hey, you don't happen to have a military AI around here, do you?
  • Aurelia (if present): Right. Where's that military AI, then?

Skipper: You're looking at it. I used to be military grade, ran this ship when it meant something, until The Bosun reprogrammed me to be his... "companion". If you want to plug me into something more interesting than this dead ship, I'm all yours. Too many terrible memories here.

Jack: What?! The hot chick's actually an ex-military AI reprogrammed to be some geek's fake girlfriend?! Sold! Grab the lovely lady and get going! We've got some friggin' robots to build.


(Open AI core)

Skipper: I'm ready -- yank me.

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki