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Science and Violence/Transcript

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Gladstone: Three of my fellow scientists got stuck in here when Zarpedon's forces attacked -- sorry. If you can free 'em, we can lower the defenses leading to the Eye.

  • Athena (if present): You don't need to apologize so much.
  • Wilhelm (if present): The hell you keep apologizing for? Grow a backbone.
  • Nisha (if present): The constant "sorry"s are getting a little old.
  • Claptrap (if present): No need to apologize!
  • Jack2 (if present): Stop saying you're sorry, kid. It's fine. Really.
  • Aurelia (if present): Never apologize, dear. Apologies are for people who can't BUY respect.

Gladstone: Right -- sorry! I mean, not "sorry", I mean, um...

Gladstone: I'll head back to Jack's office now.


(Enter Stalker Biome)

  • Athena (if present): These things can cloak?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Woah. They can go invisible?
  • Nisha (if present): These things are cloaking. What's the deal?
  • Claptrap (if present): How are these monstrosities able to go invisible?
  • Jack2 (if present): Ugh, these things can go invisible? What?!
  • Aurelia (if present): Oh, yes! Alistair told me about these things. Silly sod was actually FRIGHTENED of them.

Gladstone: Oh, the stalkers? They got a gland that produces a substance that bends light. Fun little guys.


(Approach Langois)

Dr. Langois: Oh cool, Jack sent help. I'd love to get outta here, but the soldiers released stalkers into my office, then they took my stuff. I lost a picture of my kid -- couldya get it for me?


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: I bet he's gonna die, isn't he?

Athena: Yes, he does.

Brick: SPOILERS

Tiny Tina: Called it. Somebody gimme a high five. Athena, UP TOP! *clap* MMM!

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


Dr. Langois: I know it sounds dumb, but if I don't get that picture of my son back, he'll freak. He likes to know I'm thinking of him. Kinda dorky, but sweet.

Jack: Ah, Doctor Langois -- yeah, he helped design the loaders back when they just carried boxes around and stuff. Smart enough dude. His kid smells like soup, though.


(Dr. Langois random comments)

Dr. Langois: I'm getting pretty sick of this space station.

Dr. Langois: Man, I just wanna go home.


(Open door to Observation Room 11-B)

Hyperion: Hyperion-sponsored DNA detected. Granting access to observation room 11-B.


(Pick up picture)

Dr. Langois: Oh, you found the photo! Cool. Yeah, if I come home without that, my son woulda thrown his feces on the walls. Heheh, you know -- you know how nineteen year olds are. Anyway, come on back -- I got something for you.

Dr. Minte: How's your son been doing, anyway?

Dr. Langois: Great! He's got a girlfriend.

Dr. Minte: Oh wow, really?

Dr. Langois: Pahahahah! No, nah, nah, I'm just kiddin'. He doesn't have a -- pahaha -- nahaha, woo! Not even close.


(Approach Dr. Langois)

Dr. Langois: Lemme let you in... oh wait, kill those beasts first!


(Kill stalkers)

Dr. Langois: Could I have that photo, please?


(Give picture)

Dr. Langois: Thanks -- that ugly face gets me through the day. Here's something for your troubles.

Dr. Langois: I'll open the way for you, but be careful -- lots of baddies on the other side. I'll meet you back at Jack's office. Thanks again!

Dr. Langois: Thanks again for helping me out with that dumb family stuff. See ya later, Vault Hunter!

  • Athena (if present): See ya.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Later.
  • Nisha (if present): Uh huh.
  • Claptrap (if present): Farewell, traveler!
  • Jack2 (if present): Buhbye!
  • Aurelia (if present): Au revoir!

Gladstone: You saved Doctor Langois? Great -- just rescue the last two scientists and we can get you to the eye laser.


(Enter Aquatic Observation Area)

Dr. Torres: AHHHH! FREAKING BEASTS EVERYWHERE! I'VE LOST MY TEDDY BEAR IN THE LOCKDOWN AND I LOSE MY MIND WITHOUT IT! BRING IT BACK TO ME! AHHHH!

Dr. Torres: BE CAREFUL! THOSE TORKS ARE ASSHOLES!


(Dr. Torres random comments)

Dr. Torres: I WANNA GO HOME!

Dr. Torres: WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING AROUND?!

Dr. Torres: GO HELP ME AND STUFF!


(Enter Dr. Torres' office:)

Dr. Torres: OH! OH, YOU SCARED ME! HELLO AGAIN! DRAIN THE AQUARIUM! MY TEDDY BEAR IS ON THE OTHER SIDE! I'LL LET YOU INTO THE AQUARIUM SECTION! BUT FOR REALS THOUGH, PLEASE BE CAREFUL!


(Enter Aquatic Life Stabilization Area)

Jack: Doctor Torres came up with a lot of advancements in marine biology -- pressure resistance, stuff like that. I mean, it's not that sexy, but his stuff sells like hotcakes on the aquamarine planets.


(Continue through Aquatic Life Stabilization Area)

Tassiter: John.

Jack: Mister Tassiter, we've retaken a section of Helios. We're only steps away from taking back the laser and saving Pandora. Because I'm awesome.

Tassiter: Ugh, yeah. Great. I'm calling to tell you that... the board has decided to reverse your termination. You -- ugh... have their support.

Jack: Ha-HA! Alright! Pleasure to be working with you again, ASSHOLE. Now why don't you go pour yourself a big tall glass of I-told-you-so and SUCK IT!


(Jump down into aquarium)

Dr. Torres: OH! OH! THERE'S MY TEDDY BEAR! GRAB IT AND GET IT TO ME PLEASE, BEFORE I FREAKING DIE!


(Pick up teddy bear)

  • Athena (if present): I've got your... teddy bear. Heading back.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Got yer teddy bear. I'm on my way.
  • Nisha (if present): Hey, got your teddy bear. You'll be outta here in no time.
  • Claptrap (if present): I have retrieved your teddy bear and will rescue you shortly!
  • Jack2 (if present): Got your teddy bear! Headin' back now.
  • Aurelia (if present): Fear not, your teddy is in tow.

Dr. Torres: GREAT. I'LL LET YOU IN -- NO! WAIT. KILL THAT THING FIRST OR I'L DIE! I HATE DYING!


(Kill torks)

Dr. Torres: YOU'RE SUPER GOOD AT FIGHTING! JEEZ! I'LL LET YOU IN!


(Enter Torres' office)

Dr. Torres: CAN I HAVE MY TEDDY BEAR? IT CALMS ME DOWN!


(Give teddy)

Dr. Torres: AHHHHHHH! THANKS FOR BRINGING MY TEDDY BEAR, I FEEL WAY LESS SCARED NOW! I'LL LET YOU INTO THE NEXT AREA!

Dr. Torres: COOL! I'M LEAVING NOW! THANKS FOR SAVING ME!

Gladstone: That's Doctors Langois and Torres... just rescue Doctor Grayson and we can lower the Eye of Helios defenses for you.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Brick: Yeah, Tina, he dies too.

Tiny Tina: He does?! BRICK! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

Brick: But you -- rrrrrgh.

Tiny Tina: WAY TO SPOIL THE WHOLE STORY. JEEZ. GOSH BRICK. JEEZ.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Enter Robotics Durability and Adaptability Research)

  • Athena (if present): So, what's the purpose of this place?
  • Wilhelm (if present): What's all this crap for?
  • Nisha (if present): What's this department for, anyway?
  • Claptrap (if present): So, uh, what comes out of this department, anyway?
  • Jack2 (if present): So, what's this section of the space station for?
  • Aurelia (if present): So, show me the grounds. Tell me what this is all about.

Jack: This particular R&D section makes weapons, laser refinement, cloaking tech -- all kinds of fun stuff. The bad guys are always getting bigger guns, so we gotta be ahead of the curve.


(Dr. Grayson's random comments)

Dr. Grayson: I hope you guys kill Zarpedon. She's the worst.

Dr. Grayson: Will I ever be happy to get outta here!


(Approach Grayson's office) Dr. Grayson (if monsters around): Kill those creatures, then we'll talk.

Dr. Grayson: Hey. Uh. So, I'd escape, but I may have, uh, I dropped my keycard and a stalker ate it. Can you track the key down and get me outta here?

  • Athena (if present): ...You dropped your keys?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Dropped your keys and a stalker ate 'em. What a dumbass.
  • Nisha (if present): You dropped your keys? Aren't you scientist types supposed to be smart?
  • Claptrap (if present): I don't resent you for dropping your keys, doctor! We all make mistakes!
  • Jack2 (if present): Dropped your keys, huh? How's that doctorate working out for you?
  • Aurelia (if present): I know EXACTLY how you feel! I dropped my keys once. Had to purchase a whole new house.

Dr. Grayson: Hey! My doctorate's in Eridium experimentation, not holding-onto-your-keys-without-dropping-them. My college didn't offer that major.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: He did not say thaaat.

Athena: He did.

Tiny Tina: What a goofer. Also he's gonna die too I can tell.

Brick: TINA!

Tiny Tina: BOOM.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Enter De Quidt Synaptic Processing)

Jack: Doc Grayson's working on some cloaking tech I wanna start using on Hyperion snipers when it's done. Just imagine it -- they take position, turn invisible, and then pfftbtbh! Bad guys literally have NO idea what hit them! I mean, y'know, they're probably gonna assume it was a bullet because there'll be a bullet hole in them, but whatever, it's frickin' awesome!


(Approach X-STLK-23)

Dr. Grayson: That's the stalker who ate my keycard! Kill him!


(Kill X-STLK-23)

Dr. Grayson: There -- my keycard! Grab it, please.


(Pick up keycard)

Dr. Grayson: Great. Now just lemme outta here and I'll head straight to Jack's office so we can lower the Helios defenses.


(Reach Dr. Grayson)

Dr. Grayson: Thanks for the help. Lemme unlock the exit.

  • Athena (if present): Is that a portable cloaking device?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Where'd you get that cloaking thing?
  • Nisha (if present): Is that a cloaker?
  • Claptrap (if present): A personal light-bending camoflague remote unit? Wowwww!
  • Jack2 (if present): Woah. Nice cloaking device.
  • Aurelia (if present): A cloaker, eh?

Dr. Grayson: Yeah, I made it outta stalker glands for Jack -- even made it look like his pocketwatch. Can you give it to him? (drops it) Whoops.

  • Athena (if present): Why am I not surprised?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Jeez. Hold stuff much?
  • Nisha (if present): Nice one.
  • Claptrap (if present): Are your hands made of wet soap and lubricant?
  • Jack2 (if present): Do you know HOW hands work?
  • Aurelia (if present): Adorable.

Dr. Grayson: Man, I've got a mild case of the shivers! Thanks for rubbing it in. Y'all are jerks.

Gladstone: You did great! With all the scientists rescued, we can help you get to the Eye laser. I'll meet you back at Jack's!

Jack: Gladstone, why does Zarpedon still have control over Helios's defenses? We shut down the jamming signal on Elpis -- the Vault Hunters shouldn't even have to be saving your asses right now just so you can lower the shields. No offense.

Gladstone: Uh, Zarpedon might have a weaker signal jammer on her person. She could have another mole on Helios, like the Meriff. Or she probably just manually rewired the security system--

Jack: --Waitwaitwait. There might be another traitor on Helios?

Gladstone: That's only one possibility, I -- Jack? Jack, you there?


(Reach Jack's Office)

  • Roland (to Athena): Athena.
  • Roland (to Wilhelm): Hello, Wilhelm.
  • Roland (to Nisha): Hi, Nisha.
  • Roland (to Claptrap): Ugh. The Fragtrap's still alive?
  • Roland (to Jack2): Hey, body double. Uh -- what's your real name?
  • Roland (to Aurelia): Hello, Vault Hunter.
  • Athena (if present): Roland.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Finally showed up, huh?
  • Nisha (if present): Hi, Roland. ... Good talk.
  • Claptrap (if present): A pleasure to see you as well, Roland!
  • Jack2 (if present): I'm legally forbidden to tell you, but, uh -- it rhymes with "Jimothy".
  • Aurelia (if present): Hello! Your hat is awful.

Lilith: Ro and I just fought our way across the other side of Helios. Hope you guys didn't have all the fun on this end.

Jack: The scientists just shit down the defenses leading to the laser. Got one last thing to wrap up before I send you off, though. Let's talk.

  • Athena (if present): Hope this has all been worth it...
  • Wilhelm (if present): That scientist made this for you.
  • Nisha (if present): Doc what's-his-face over there wanted you to have this.
  • Claptrap (if present): Ooooh! This is REAL pretty!
  • Jack2 (if present): Uh, that doctor wanted you to have this.
  • Aurelia (if present): One of the doctors made this for you, by-the-by.

Jack: Oh hey, cool.


(Give cloaker)

Jack: Cloaking device, huh? Thanks, Doc.

Dr. Grayson: Still alive, thanks to you. Much obliged.

Jack: No, YOU are great. YOU'RE great. You guys disabled the defenses leading to the big-ass laser. Uh, we're gonna head off and shut it down, but I'm gonna summon my personal escape ship to get you guys the hell outta here. Vault Hunter, hit that button over there.

Jack: Where is -- ah, here we go.


(Lock door)

Hyperion: Airlock sealed. Preparing to vent contents of airlock.

Dr. Langois: Huh?

Dr. Grayson: Waitaminute!

Jack: New plan, everybody! Doctor Gladstone here informed me that one of YOU might still be a traitor working for Zarpedon.

Gladstone: MIGHT! I said MIGHT!

Jack: Hundreds of innocent lives are on the line here, kiddos. I just can't take the risk. Shoot me in the back once, shame on you. Shoot me in the back TWICE... For what it's worth, I AM really sorry.

Gladstone: Jack, DON'T!

Dr. Langois: (screaming)

  • Athena (if present): Oh dear God...
  • Wilhelm (if present): Huh. Didn't think you had the balls, Jack.
  • Nisha (if present): Hohohoholycrap. That was nuts.
  • Claptrap (if present): Oh, jeez. That was really dark.
  • Jack2 (if present): Oh, no.
  • Aurelia (if present): Oh! Oh no.

Jack: Huh. That felt... kinda good. Anywho, let's talk.

Jack: The path to the Eye of Helios is open. Get through the inner hull and open that fast travel network so I can shut 'er down. Uh, Roland, Lilith -- you guys stay here, defend my office. May need to retreat here later.

Roland: Sounds like a plan.

Lilith: Roland, he just murdered--

Roland: --Sounds. Like. A plan. We'll see you when you get back.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Oh man. This. Just. Got. Real.

Brick: Mmmmhm.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


Jack: Y'know, if I hadn't airlocked those scientists, one of 'em mighta turned those defenses back on just as you were walking through. Woulda fried you like a skag steak. Think on that.

  • Athena (if present): Those people were FRIGHTENED. They would have done nothing...
  • Wilhelm (if present): Don't gotta explain yourself to me. I thought it was a smart move.
  • Nisha (if present): Jack, that was the sexiest damn thing I've ever seen. Amazing what you can do with a little ingenuity and a big-ass airlock.
  • Claptrap (if present): I wanna go home. I"m not programmed for moral dilemmas!
  • Jack2 (if present): Um... whatever! Yeah -- uh, whatever you say, sir.
  • Aurelia (if present): Yes, of course. Uh -- whatever gets you there, darling.


(Turn in)

  • Jack (to Athena): Eh, we'll agree to disagree.
  • Jack (to Wilhelm): You're my kinda guy, Wilhelm.
  • Jack (to Nisha): Heh! Nicely put. Very nicely put.
  • Jack (to Claptrap): Oh. You're still here, huh?
  • Jack (to Jack2): Right, yeah, uhm -- sorry. It's actually distracting, how good looking you are. It's kinda making me anxious. Just gonna try to not look at you.
  • Jack (to Aurelia): What was that? Didn't catch it.

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