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Stalker of Stalkers/Transcript

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Accepting Mission

Hammerlock: "An old boyfriend of mine, by the name of Taggart, was hired to wipe out the Stalker population here a while back. He also, adorably, tried to write a book about his adventures in the Highlands. You find the chapters of his book and I'll plagiarize the living daylights out of them for mine. Win-win-win, as they say. Nobody says that. I say it."


Taggart: "Chapter One: Today, I punched a Stalker so hard it turned inside out. End of chapter one."

Hammerlock: "It is a known fact that Stalkers find ECHO recorders delicious. You'll likely find the rest of Taggart's chapters in piles of Stalker... defecation."

Taggart"Chapter two. Jack wasn't kidding, these Stalker things are something. I pounded one right in the throat with my thumpin' hammer - just like Mom taught me -  And it pretty much exploded! It made this hilarious noise like, 'RARGHGRGGHHHA!' It was kind of like that. I should make it my ringtone."

Taggart: "Chapter three. My boys found out that stalkers don't cloak so well once their shields are down. They get all panicky, start roaring to power up their friends - it's cute. I saw a huge stalker staring at our camp the other day - I decided to name her Henry - - You know after- *stalker ringtone* - - Oh, hold on a second. Heyyyyyy, Mom! No, I was just saying I named a stalker after ya."

Taggart"Chapter four. Everything's fine. Henry and her stalker friends took out my team and stole the SPECIAL mother's day present that I HAND MADE, but hell with it - I'm headin' out there and getting my damn mother's day present back. Jack as my witness, this will be the best. Mother's day. EVER! Do you hear me, Henry? You hear that? Mother's Day!"

Taggart: "Chapter - - f... chapter fff... Henry ate my hands... she chewed them off in front of me and I swear to Jack... the spiky bitch laughed as she did it. Mom, I just don't know what to do... No! Get away, Henry! No, Henry! Get back! No! Mommy! Mommy! MOMMMMMMYYYYYY!"

End of Mission

Hammerlock: "Eaten was he? Suppose there's a lesson to be learned in all of this. He who attempts to fight nature will get eaten. Sounded much more poignant in my head, apologies."

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