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Statuesque/Transcript

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Statuesque/Transcript

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(Vault Hunter accepts the mission.)

Claptrap: Every good war is won in the mind. So long as Jack's got those propagantastic statues of himself around Opportunity, we can't truly win this war. Go, minion! Blast those statues to bits!

(Mission objectives update: Shoot statues)

(Vault Hunter goes to the closest statue and tries to destroy it using his weapons.)

Claptrap: The statues are bulletproof?! You win this round, inanimate object! Minion, I need you to search the Opportunity drop zone for a deactivated constructor. Then, you can use it to cut through the statues for you!

(Mission objectives update: Search dropzone for Overseer)

(Vault Hunter heads over to the Orbital Delivery Zone and locates deactivated constructor.)

Claptrap: Cool, you found a constructor! Just boot him back up and he oughta treat you as an ally. You'll be like his mommy! His gun-toting, profanity-spewing mommy.

(Mission objectives update: Hack Overseer)

(Vault Hunter activates the Overseer.)

Claptrap: He's waking up? Great! Trust the Vault Hunter, robot.

Claptrap: Alright! The constructor's working again! Make sure to protect it while it's wreckin' the statues.

(Mission objectives update: Escort Overseer, Destroy statues 0/4, Optional: Keep Overseer above 50% health)

(Vault Hunter escrorts the Overseer to the first statue.)

Hacked Overseer: Initializing laser cutter.

Handsome Jack: Aw, what are you doing now, tool? Petty vandalism? Are you serious? That's how far you've fallen? It's just sad."

(Hyperion forces swarm in to protect the statue.)

Handsome Jack: Alright! You made your point. You don't like the statue, I get it! I look a little too badass with my foot in that bandit's face, right? You're jealous, I get it.

(When the Hacked Overseer gets hit, and depending on severity of damage received, Claptrap may sound warnings below ...)

Claptrap: They're shooting the bot!

Claptrap: Protect the bot, minion!

Claptrap: The bot's taking damage!

Claptrap: Don't let them destroy the constructor!

Claptrap: Be careful, they're hitting the constructor!

Claptrap: They're damaging the constructor!

Claptrap: Quick, repair the constructor!

Claptrap: The constructor's getting hit!

Claptrap: You gotta repair the constructor!

Claptrap: The constructor has been damaged!

Claptrap: Repair the constructor quick, minion!

Claptrap: They're attacking the constructor!

Claptrap: The bot is half dead!

Claptrap: They damaged the constructor, minion!

Claptrap: OH GOD! The bot's only got a quarter of its health left!

Claptrap: Repair the constructor!

(If the Hacked Overseer gets destroyed ...)

Claptrap: Nooo! The bot's been destroyed! You failed!

(First statue destroyed.)

Hacked Overseer: Cutting operation complete.

Handsome Jack: Does that feel good? You got it out of your system? Great. Now go home and stop screwin' with my stuff, or we're gonna have a frickin' problem.

(Hacked Overseer moves to the Living Legend Plaza ans starts cutting the statue.)

Hacked Overseer: Initializing laser cutter.

Handsome Jack: Hey, you know what book I'm reading there? It's called, 101 Ways to Forcibly Make Vandals Eat Their Own Entrails. I'll let you borrow it sometime.

(Second statue destroyed.)

Hacked Overseer: Cutting operation complete.

Handsome Jack: I can actually see why you'd wanna tear that particular statue down. Clearly, you're illiterate, and the image of me enjoying a good book just makes your head hurt somethin' awful.

(Hacked Overseer moves to the third statue and starts cutting it.)

Hacked Overseer: Initializing laser cutter.

Handsome Jack: Oh, come ON! What's wrong with that statue?! I'm holding the Vault Key and a BABY. You know what babies are, right? Those little soft pink things your kind eats after you're done rolling around in your own feces? Ring a bell?!

(Third statue destroyed.)

Hacked Overseer: Cutting operation complete.

Handsome Jack: Oh, for the LOVE of... ALRIGHT! Great! Success! You're pissing me off. Good for you! Here's your PRIZE!

(Super Badass Loader drops in to attacks ... and gets destroyed.)

(Hacked Overseer moves to the last statue and starts cutting it.)

Hacked Overseer: Initializing laser cutter.

Handsome Jack: What is this even ACCOMPLISHING?! Are you, are you just TRYING to piss me off? Was that your goal? Well mission accomplished, jaggoff. Y'know, when I'm curbstomping your dumb little ass to death, you can take solace in the fact that, one time, for like, eight seconds, you mildly irritated me. Good for you. Your parents must be so proud.

(Last statue destroyed.)

Hacked Overseer: Cutting operation complete.

Handsome Jack: Yeah, no, go ahead. Knock that last one down. I've already got a great idea for a new statue. It's just gonna be me, kicking you, in the junk! I'm gonna commission like fifteen of those sumbitches, and just put 'em everywhere!

Claptrap: Now that you're done with that bot, it's time for some fun! You ever seen a constructor bot dance, minion? 'Cause you're about to! Hit that other button to activate his dancing subroutines!

(Mission objectives update: Press dance button)

(Vault Hunter hits the button ...)

Claptrap: Three, two, one -- DANCE TIME!

Hacked Overseer: Commencing dance protocols -- ERROR. ERROR.

(Hacked Overseer explodes.)

Claptrap: Oh. He, um... just exploded, didn't he? I guess that's kinda like dancing.

(Mission objectives update: TURN IN!)

Handsome Jack: You are such a jackass.

or

Handsome Jack: You are such an asshole.

Claptrap: Success! Opportunity will be temporarily free of Jack statues, FOREVER!

(Vault Hunter travels to Sanctuary and turns in the mission to Claptrap.)

Claptrap: Robots that can't dance? Eugh.

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