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Systems Jammed/Transcript

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Springs: Alright, just jump that crack with your vehicle and you'll be well on your way to Concordia. Once you get there you should be able to find your jamming signal, or whatever you said. I'll meet ya there later.

  • Springs (to Athena): Oh, and Athena? You're real pretty. Just throwing that out.
  • Springs (to Wilhelm): Oh, and Wilhelm? I noticed some rustvirus seeping into the skin around your eye implant. You might wanna watch it with the cybernetics.
  • Springs (to Nisha): And good luck with all your murders, Nisha!
  • Springs (to Claptrap): Oh, and Fragtrap? Sorry your personality got changed.
  • Springs (to Jack2): Oh and Jack double guy... if you ever need to get that plastic surgery reversed, I know a guy.
  • Springs (to Aurelia): And be careful out there, Vault Hunter.
  • Athena (if present): I'm -- uh. Uh. Thank you?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Sure, I'll keep that in mind. Pff.
  • Nisha (if present): Thanks, kiddo.
  • Claptrap (if present): I'm not! Who needs identity or free will?! I'm doing great! Ha ha haha! Hahaha! Heh...
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah, that's, that's -- thanks. I'm pretty sure there's a bomb in this face that'll detonate if you try to take it off, but, thank you.
  • Aurelia (if present): Aren't you the sweetest thing! Darling, I'm much too WEALTHY to die.


(entering Concordia)

Jack: Alright, welcome to Concordia, a craphole if I ever saw one. Find a guy named Huxter -- he's ex-Hyperion, runs the town.


(approaching entry to Concordia)

CU5TM-TP: OK, that's far enough, buster!

Springs: Just give him the --

CU5TM-TP: Entry papers -- and make it snappy! CHOP CHOP!

  • Athena (if present): Are you f**king serious?
  • Wilhelm (if present): You little s**t.
  • Nisha (if present): You officious little s**t.
  • Claptrap (if present): Where did you learn customer service? You're a very rude mother-trucker.
  • Jack2 (if present): Oh, go f**k yourself.
  • Aurelia (if present): Ach, je suis désolé -- must have left my papers in my OTHER fabulous coat.

CU5TM-TP: You're in violation of the Verbal Space Morality Statute. You just got a ticket!

  • Athena (if present): What the f**k!?
  • Wilhelm (if present): F**k you.
  • Nisha (if present): F**k you I did!
  • Claptrap (if present): But I said mother-TRUCKER.
  • Jack2 (if present): F**k you in the ***!
  • Aurelia (if present): Non -- you misunderstood me. As a member of the bourgeoisie, I speak MANY languages.

CU5TM-TP: Oh, you just got another! I love rules. They make me feel powerful!


(Pick up ticket)

CU5TM-TP: Follow me or you'll get a THIRD ticket!


(Approach holding area)

CU5TM-TP: Yes, this is Concordia, mightiest of spaceports on Elpis. Too bad you'll be seeing it only from a cell for all those tickets you've accrued!

Springs: Give him the Orbatron. Things will get weird. Just so you know.


(Give Orbatron)

CU5TM-TP: Oh, greeeeat. Yeah -- consider yourself toooooootally cleared for decontamination.

Springs: Boom! Told ya I'd get you in! You're on your own now.


(Cutscene)

Nurse Nina: Welcome, new citizen! Obey my commands.

Title card: Nurse Nina -- She mend you GOOD

(End Cutscene)

Nurse Nina: Go stand on decontamination pod. Do not move when beam comes.


(Move in pod)

Nurse Nina: YOU MOVE! Pah! Come into clinic, silly lapushka.

Nurse Nina: I Nurse Nina. When you need medicine, you come see. Only if serious though. Nurse Nina hate big babies. Unless they REAL babies -- Nurse Nina LOVE them!

Nurse Nina: You hurt. Here. Take.


(Take health)

Nurse Nina: Good, you better. When hurt again, can use vending machine to buy heals.

Nurse Nina: You healthy. Go!


(Enter concourse)

Jack: So Huxter, the guy you need to find, calls himself "Meriff". Like, mayor mixed with sheri-- --it's stupid, whatever. But he might know how to track down the signal. This guy's still pulling down a phat retirement plan from Hyperion, from my division. I'm basically his boss. He's pretty much on the team already.


(Take elevator)

The Meriff: Visitors from Helios... Ah. So, here's the thing.

The Meriff: Uh -- no visitors today.

  • Athena (if present): Whoa!
  • Wilhelm (if present): Ahhhhhhhh!
  • Nisha (if present): Hwooah!
  • Claptrap (if present): This is definitely going the WRONG way! And at velocity, too!
  • Jack2 (if present): Woooa-OAAAH!
  • Aurelia (if present): Well, that's unfortunate.

Jack: You were one of us -- you stupid-named son of a bastard!

Concordia PA: Thank you for visiting the offices of the Meriff. We hope you enjoyed your bureaucratic interactions.

Jack: I guess... there is one other person who can help us. Unfortunately. Get to the Up Over Bar.


(Enter Bar)

Jack: Where's Mox? Oh, waitwaitwait -- hey, you see those two on the dance floor? The tattooed chick and the guy allergic to smiling? Ahh, they're ex-Vault Hunters, go see if they'll help. Haha, finally! Lady luck flips a friggin' face card.


(Talk to Roland)

  • Athena (if present): Hello again. Hyperion are losing Helios to Dahl -- we need to stop the signal that's jamming its systems.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Dahl took over Helios. I'm supposed to ask you for help shutting down the jamming signal.
  • Nisha (if present): Hey. Helios is being overrun by freaky Dahl forces. You up for helping me stop the signal that's jamming its systems?
  • Claptrap (if present): Hi guys! Hyperion's losing Helios to Dahl -- can you help me stop the signal that's jamming its systems?
  • Jack2 (if present): Hey there, kiddos! Hyperion are losing Helios to Dahl -- we need to stop the signal that's jamming its system! Bitches.
  • Aurelia (if present): Bonsoir! I've been asked to say something about... Dahl forces on Hyperion station?

Roland: Hyperion, Dahl, is there a difference?

Lilith: We're on vacation. Together.

Roland: Yeah. Sorry, but we're out of the Vault Hunting game.

Lillith: Too many tentacles.

  • Athena (if present): What's that mean?
  • Wilhelm (if present): What?
  • Nisha (if present): Tentacles, huh?
  • Claptrap (if present): Tentacles, eh?
  • Jack2 (if present): ... Tentacles?
  • Aurelia (if present): Tentacles? Imagine that's more up Alistair's alley.

Jack: Go talk to Moxxi. Dammit!


(Cutscene)

Moxxi: Looking for me, sugar?

Title card: Moxxi -- More than just a pretty... ...everything

(End Cutscene)


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: Ohmygodsohot.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Talk to Moxxi)

  • Athena (if present): Hello again, Moxxi. Jack sent me.
  • Wilhelm (if present): I work for Jack. Need your help getting Helios back.
  • Nisha (if present): Your ex sent me. He needs your help. And better taste, apparently.
  • Claptrap (if present): Helloooo, Moxxi! Jack needs your help to reclaim Helios.
  • Jack2 (if present): Holi shi -- hi! I'm, uh -- Jack. Obviously. And I need your help. Are you SURE we're not still dating? -- Wow!
  • Aurelia (if present): Wow. I must say -- congratulations on the bosoms. Top notch. They are hilarious.
  • Moxxi (to Athena): Hey Athena. Haven't seen you since all that business with Knoxx. Lookin' good.
  • Moxxi (to Wilhelm): Wilhelm, right? Enforcer from Hera? Charmed.
  • Moxxi (to Nisha): Nice to meet you, too.
  • Moxxi (to Claptrap): A CL4P-TP. This day gets better and better.
  • Moxxi (to Jack2): Pretty sure, hon. And I can tell my ex from a body double. You're not salivating enough.
  • Moxxi (to Aurelia): Hmm.

Moxxi: So -- Jack sent you, huh? Musta bothered him somethin' awful. No worries, though. It's all in the past. What does he need?

  • Athena (if present): Dahl soldiers took down Helios's defenses with a jamming signal. We need to find that signal and shut it down.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Those Dahl guys used a signal to jam defenses on Helios. I need to find it and turn it off.
  • Nisha (if present): There's a jamming signal around here that's screwing with Helios's defenses. I need to pull the plug on it.
  • Claptrap (if present): Dahl soldiers jammed Helios's defenses with a rogue signal! Jack thinks YOU can help us find that signal and shut it down!
  • Jack2 (if present): I, uhm. Helios. Dahl attacked. Jamming... signal. Jeez, you're really pretty.
  • Aurelia (if present): Well, he asked me to shut down a jamming signa -- ahhahahaha! I'm so sorry, your breasts are just WONDERFUL. I can't keep a straight face!


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: HNNNG! Brick, I can't take the hotness. Help. Make it stop.

Brick: Stop climbin' on me!

Tiny Tina: Halp. Halp. Too muchhotties. Halp.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


Moxxi: You wanna find a signal? Then you gotta put transmitters on the ECHO towers around town. Get up high. Simple triangulation -- they'll find the source, then you can shut it down. Thing is, I don't have any transmitters here. But, that's fixable. First, I need you to pick up some Moonstones mistakenly confiscated by the Customs CL4P-TP. Head over there and I'll update your ECHO. Trust me -- it'll make sense.

B4R-BOT: OI! Can I get a bloody refill?

Moxxi: What are you doing? You work here.

B4R-BOT: What? Nah! I just look like that guy. I'm in off the street.

Moxxi: Riiight -- two minutes, then you're off your break.


(Approach Bank)

CU5TM-TP: Moxxi tells me you're here for her Moonstones. I'm pretty sure I stored them at the bank -- you can pick them up from there!

Moxxi: I'm not a big fan of the bank -- still, it serves its purpose. You can use it to stash things you don't feel like carrying around.


(Use bank)

CU5TM-TP: Oh, that's right! I actually put the Moonstones in the stash, not the bank. Uhhhh, you can have the gun -- the owner doesn't need it.

Moxxi: The stash, huh? that's where you can store items you want to swap between other characters. Not sure why he put the Moonstones there.


(Use stash)

CU5TM-TP: Oh, that's right! I had the Moonstones all along! Heheheh -- classic, huh?!

Moxxi: Seriously? Shame he doesn't ticket himself for stupidity. Pick up the Moonstones and take them to the Black Market. Check your ECHO.


(Pick up Moonstones)

Moxxi: Show the Moonstones to the guy there and you'll get what you need.

Moxxi: I ordered a bunch of transmitters a while back, but I've been kinda avoiding this place. That Janey Springs keeps trying to use it as a place to "accidentally" run into me.


(Visit Black Market)

Crazy Earl: Whatchu want?!

  • Athena (if present): I got these Moonstones from Moxxi -- says she's got some transmitters for collection.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Transmitters.
  • Nisha (if present): These Moonstones get me some transmitters?
  • Claptrap (if present): I know that in THIS particular instance I want to exchange Moxxi's Moonstones in return for transmitters from your good self!
  • Jack2 (if present): Can I spend these Moonstones on some transmitters? ... I'm Jack?
  • Aurelia (if present): Eugh, your door smells like feces with a vomit garnish. Please give me some transmitters so I may relocate myself somehwere with a higher average income.

Crazy Earl: I'll throw 'em in if you take some of this other trash off my hands.


(Buy something)

Moxxi: Yeah, Crazy Earl gets around. And he's a useful guy to know -- bring him Moonstones and he'll get what you need. "Whatchuwant?!" Heh, love that guy.

Moxxi: I'll hit the ECHO with the co-ords for the towers and manage things from here. When you get the first transmitter in place, I'll make contact.

Moxxi: You need to get above Springs' Emporium O' Stuff. She's out of town, so she won't be around to help. And so we're clear -- tell Jack, once this is done, we're all square.

Moxxi: So, listen. I'll send you a waypoint showing how I'D try that climb. Y'know, 'cause I'm nice like that.


(Attach first transmitter)

Moxxi: I've got a connection, but it's not very stable. You mind giving it a whack for me?


(Melee transmitter)

Moxxi: That's better. Gimme a sec to get everything set up this end.

Springs (on ECHO): ... I don't understand, but... but SHE picked them up?

Crazy Earl (on ECHO): Didn't come in person, sent someone. I'm just lettin' you know 'cause you said to if anyone ever swung by for 'em.

Springs (on ECHO): And... she didn't mention me at all?

Moxxi: Yeah, so... see what I mean about that girl?

Moxxi: This signal... it's not coming from Concordia. Co-ords for the next tower on your ECHO.


(Attach second transmitter)

Moxxi: Perfect! She's working now -- let's get her calibrated. I just gotta mess with some dials back here...

Nurse Nina (on ECHO): ... no, mama, you know why I no come back! Am safe here. Company no know I'm here! Name is same because tehy EXPECT me change it. Anyway mama -- mama, no cry! Nina must go.

Moxxi: This transmitter -- something's not working. Let's try rebooting it.

Moxxi: There we go!

Moxxi: There's a tower above the Meriff's office -- try getting up there!


(Approaching Tower)

Concordia PA: Warning. Trespassing on government property will result in your immediate death. Thank you.

Moxxi: Oh, yeah. Shoulda mentioned the turrets. You'll need to destroy them!


(Destroy turrets and use transmitter)

Moxxi: Yeah, so, looks like a bullet or two damaged the relay drive gearbox. Sift through those turrets -- see if you can find a replacement.

  • Athena (if present): A what?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Say what?
  • Nisha (if present): A relay what?
  • Claptrap (if present): That sounds exciting!
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah! What was that again?
  • Aurelia (if present): A what?

Moxxi: Just... it's a thing that makes the transmitter work again. Small black box.


(Pick up turret part)

Moxxi: That's it!


(Place turret part)

Moxxi: Score! Gimme time to just...

The Meriff (on ECHO): ... Oh, blimey! You really know how to listen to a bloke's problems, I'll give you that! You sure I can't book you for more, uh, ehhhh.... physical services? I'm a bloody stress volcano right now and could do with the uh, with the um... relief.

Moxxi: Oh gross. I make it VERY clear to all my patrons Sereena is NOT for... I'll deal with our Meriff later. OK, everything looks set up. Head up to the control panel I've marked on your ECHO. Activate it so I can initiate the final scan to pinpoint the signal's origin.


(Use console)

  • Athena (if present): The signal's coming from... Crisis Scar.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Looks like the signal's in someplace called Crisis Scar.
  • Nisha (if present): It actually worked. Looks like the signal's coming from "Crisis Scar" -- whatever that is.
  • Claptrap (if present): The signal appears to originate from Crisis Scar!
  • Jack2 (if present): Signal's coming from a place called... "Crisis Scar"?
  • Aurelia (if present): The signal's coming from... "Crisis Scar". May I go back to killing things now, oh chestacular one?

Moxxi: That's an old Dahl comms facility -- been nothing but scavs there for years.

Jack: Well, looks like it's working again -- go shut it down! Uh, also, status update: still getting shot at. So, if you wanted to hurry, that'd be cool.


(Approaching exit)

Concordia PA: Attention, citizens of Concordia: until further notice, for your own protection, the town is in lockdown. No one in, or out. That is all. ...Okay?

Jack: Oh, what the hell is wrong with this guy?! This is so frustrating! Get back to Moxxi, she's got secret exits everywhere. Heh-heh. Classic.


(Return to bar)

B4R-BOT: If you're looking for Moxxi, cobber, she's not here! Really hard getting served when she's off in her secret workshop, tinkering with advanced tech an' all. If I was any more annoyed I'd probably let slip that it's accessible by pushing the arm up on the one-armed bandit machine over there, then pressing the access button that pops out. Phew! Close one! That new internal dialogue filter chip I had installed's a ripper, mate!


(Opening back door)

Moxxi (singing): Bubbles and birds, bubbles and birds! Bubbles and-- --damn servo, get in there!

  • Athena (if present): Moxxi?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Hey.
  • Nisha (if present): Hey. Lady.
  • Claptrap (if present): Helloooooo? Moxxi?
  • Jack2 (if present): Uhm, Moxxi? Er-er, um... ma'am? Hellooo?
  • Aurelia (if present): Hellooo?

Moxxi: Hey! Woah! What are you doin'--

Moxxi: Ahem. What are you doing in here?

  • Athena (if present): Sorry.
  • Wilhelm (if present): What happened to your makeup? And your accent?
  • Nisha (if present): Nice, uh... nice overalls.
  • Claptrap (if present): Woah! You look different! And you're covered in robot blood!
  • Jack2 (if present): Ohhhh jeez, even cuter without make-up. That's just... ugggh, this is the worst.
  • Aurelia (if present): And she even comes with a change of clothes! That is just RICH.

Moxxi: Dammit, I REALLY don't like people seeing me out of character. The hell do you want?

  • Athena (if present): The Meriff locked down the town. Do you know any other ways out of Concordia?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Meriff put Concordia on lockdown. You know any ways outta town?
  • Nisha (if present): Town's on lockdown, I need to get out. Can you help or what?
  • Claptrap (if present): I need to leave town, but the Meriff put Concordia on lockdown! Can you help?
  • Jack2 (if present): Um, the... Merriff... locked up in -- city. Could you... help me get out? Please?
  • Aurelia (if present): That "Meriff" fellow's locked me in, and if I have to listen to any more blather I'm liable to open my veins with a diamond-plated razor blade!

Moxxi: I know a way out, but I ain't -- won't -- show it to you unless you promise not to tell ANYONE what you saw here.

  • Athena (if present): Um... I promise.
  • Wilhelm (if present): Sure. Whatever. I don't care.
  • Nisha (if present): I hereby promise not to tell people the slutty clown is also a slutty mechanic. We good?
  • Claptrap (if present): I promise! And I am incapable of lying! DECEPTION.EXE SUCCESSFUL.
  • Jack2 (if present): Yeah, no, totally -- of course! I promise -- anything! Absolutely anything for you, please just, GOD, marry me -- I mean, I didn't say that! What's up with you? How are you?
  • Aurelia (if present): Of course, darling.

Moxxi: Great! Cause if you spilled, my son would have to bury you alive in a shallow grave.


(True Vault Hunter Mode)

Tiny Tina: WHAAAAAT?! Moxxi's secretly good with machines and kawaii in overalls?! I don't believe.

(End True Vault Hunter Mode)


(Turn in)

Moxxi: That's the way outta here! Hope you find that signal. And remember: shallow grave!

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