(Arrival at the shore at Three Horns Divide) Claptrap: We're near Sanctuary, buddy. you go on ahead -- tell the locals what we'll require for my 'welcome back' party. I'll stay here and give 'em time to get what we need. Number one: ladies. Obvious. Number two: dudes. But hideous ones, we're talkin' morbidly obese, we're talkin' body odor, we're talkin' acne scars. The ladies'll take one look at these uggos and BAM! I start lookin' pretty good! Suddenly, it's not "ew, you get away from me you pervy little robot, you're creeping me out, why are you crying. I didn't even know robots could cry, look, if I give you a hug will you stop crying, alright, but keep that disc tray inside, OH (my) GOD WHAT IS THIS, MOTOR OIL?" It'll be more like, 'Claptrap, rescue me from these uggos and hump my leg.' which I WILL. Number three: we'll need booze, in case that other stuff doesn't work. Number four: streamers. Number fi-- are you writing all this down? Minion? Are you even-- you even here? Still? Lonely.
(After demolishing the bridge to Sanctuary with a rocket) Corporal Reiss: Sanctuary's off limits. You Bloodshots can stay in your hole.
(Undeterred, the Bloodshots jump over the gap in a technical) Ripper Bandit: I SEEEEE YOUUUUU!
Corporal Reiss: (Sigh) Awesome.
Ripper Bandit: Oh! Good idea! I think we'll just turn around and head on back to our -- DIIIIIIE! (gunshots)
Corporal Reiss: Why don't you boys run on back to your camp?
Angel: Pandora is a violent and dangerous place. Sanctuary is...slightly less so. You'll need a car to reach the city gate. Get to the Catch-A-Ride.
(approaching the Catch-A-Ride)
Angel: This machine will digitally construct a vehicle for you. Give it a try.
(attempting to spawn a vehicle)
Scooter (pre-recorded voice): Whoa, unauthorized user up in my grill! You trying to hack my Catch-A-Riiiide?! Uncool bro, uncooool.
Angel: Damnit! Oh, sorry... darn it. A man named Scooter controls these Catch-A-Ride machines -- he may be short a few chromosomes, but he's a savant when it comes to vehicles. He's locked this station to prevent the bandits from using it, but I'm reading an inactive Hyperion bot in the Bloodshot camp. If you can attach its interface adapter to the Catch-A-Ride, I can hack the machine and get you a car.
(after collecting adapter)
Angel: Just attach the adapter onto the Catch-A-Ride and I'll get you a free car.
(after adapter is attached)
Angel: Executing phase shift.
Catch-A-Ride machine: Rescinding lockdown.
Angel: Wait a moment while I hack the Catch-A-Ride.
Scooter (pre-recorded voice): Authorized user accepted. Enjoy the ride and there's a pimento taco -- a "Pimentaco" -- in the glove box.
Angel: Cool. Try requesting another car.
Scooter (pre-recorded voice): Thanks for using Scooter's Catch-A-Ride, beeyotch!
Angel: Real charmer, that one. You should now be able to digistruct a car from any Catch-A-Ride station. Now use one to jump that gap.
(after jumping the gap)
Angel: Great! Now head to Sanctuary and find Roland. He'll want to meet the Vault Hunter who stared down Handsome Jack and lived.
Handsome Jack: Sometimes I envy you bandits. You're so... unburdened with things like intelligence, culture, morality, honor, ambition, good looks... I could go on but I won't. But I could.
Handsome Jack: [pauses] Ah, dignity! Almost forgot to mention dignity. [a horse whinnies in the background] Easy Butt Stallion! Easy!
(approaching the entrance to Sanctuary)
Bandit: Let us in, grinder! We're only gonna kill every last one of ya!
(after using the intercom)
Lt. Davis: You're never getting into Sanctuary, you Bloodshot skaglicks -- oh, hold up. You're a Vault Hunter. Just a sec, Roland wanted to talk to you! Lemme ECHO him!
Roland: Ah, so you're the one I've been hearin' all this radio chatter about. Name's Roland. I used to be a Vault Hunter like you, until I formed the Crimson Raiders. We'll catch up when I get back to Sanctuary --for now, I need your help. My men tell me Corporal Reiss hasn't returned the power core we need to keep the city's shields running. Bring Reiss back to Sanctuary, and you'll have earned your place in the Raiders.
Angel: Roland's contacted you? Good. Listen to what he says. He can help us defeat Jack.
(after several seconds)
Handsome Jack: Handsome Jack here, reminding you all not to worry your pretty little heads about those earthquakes. See, with every tremor, my drills get closer to the Vault -- to freedom, order, and safety for us all! Except you asshats in Sanctuary.
(Picking up Reiss' ECHO recorder)
Corporal Reiss (recording): Got the power core from the Bloodshots! Blew the bridge! I'm hit... Gotta lose 'em in the Marrowfields -- RAGHHHH!
Roland: Reiss is in trouble? Dammit, we're spread thin enough as it is. Find him, soldier.
Corporal Reiss: [broadcasting] Goddamned Bloodshots, there's too many of 'em! If anyone can hear me, I need HELP!
(approaching Reiss)
Psycho: You're SKAGBAIT, grinder!
(after rescuing Reiss)
Corporal Reiss: A Vault Hunter? Heh, didn't think I rated that much of a rescue! One of those psychos ran off with the power core. Without it, Sanctuary'll be defenseless. [cough] Get that core back to Sanctuary. I'm just gonna take a nap -- wake me up when I'm not on Pandora anymore.
Roland: Reiss is dead? He was one of the first Crimson Lancemen I recruited to the Raiders. Get that power core back. And while you're at it, kill some bandits for Reiss. It's what he would've wanted.
(collecting power core)
Roland: That's the power core. Great-- Jack won't destroy Sanctuary today, at least. Get back to the city. We'll meet up once I get there. Welcome to the Crimson Raid-- ah, dammit. I'm being attacked, I'll see --
(if the optional objective: Kill 20 Bloodshots is completed)
Lt. Davis: The resistance lost a good man today. But I'm sure Reiss woulda been happy to know how quickly you wiped out those Bloodshots.
(on the way to Sanctuary)
Handsome Jack: This is a message to Sanctuary (mock voice) 'the last stronghold of the resistance'. (end mock voice) Pandora as you knew it -- the chaos, the bandits -- that time has passed. If you let it, this could be an era of order, of peace! Just turn yourselves in, and I promise: your deaths will be quick.
Handsome Jack: Hey, y'like my speech? I was lying about the last part, by the way. I'm gonna spend a loooong time torturing you bandit scum to death. And I'll enjoy it even more because -- ah, I shouldn't say anymore. I've got a little secret that I, uh - you know what? You don't need to hear it. It'll probably just confuse ya. Ciao!
(using the intercom)
Lt. Davis: Roland, is that you?! Oh, it's the Vault Hunter -- get in quick! Roland's ECHO communicator went dead, we need your help!
(entering Sanctuary)
Handsome Jack: (laughs mockingly) Made it to Banditville, huh? Well done! It'll be nice to see a friendly face when I'm burning that place to the ground. Oh, and I have decided that I will tell you my secret later on. Once you've earned it.
(talking to Lt. Davis)
Lt. Davis: You're the one Commander Roland was talkin' about. The one who faced Jack and LIVED! Look, we need your help, bad, but first thing's first -- plug that power core into the shield generator.