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The Voyage of Captain Chef/Transcript

< The Voyage of Captain Chef

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(Accept mission)

Captain Chef: I'm Captain Chef and I've just discovered this moon! It's most essential I lay claim to it before someone else does.

Captain Chef: I brought the flag! King Greg likes it when you plant a flag, but royal protocol requires me to stand to attention and salute while it's being raised! Can't do two things at once, I'm afraid -- so if you can retrieve it from my travel case and hoist it for me as I stand here, well, then, hey presto! This whole place becomes the property of King Greg!


(Retrieve flag)

Captain Chef: Good show! Now, here's the flagpole. Go ahead and mount good old King Greg's colors.


(Place flag)

Captain Chef: I should warn you, these Johnny Foreigner types are prone to take umbrage when you discover something they're already living -- not that drinking mud is much of a life, what? Good job for them I showed up! Hoist the flag for King Greg! Huzzah!


(Hoist flag)

Captain Chef: There she blows! I just have to stand like this until it reaches the top.

Captain Chef: Brrp-brrp-brrp brrrrrp, brrp brrp brp-rp-brrrrp... If, in the meantime any of the locals should --

Chef Scav: Oh, not this dickhead again! piss off, mate! This is our rock!

Captain Chef: -- Yes, I thought that might happen. Be a good sport, will you and fight them off until the flag's raised? Soon as it's there I can snap out of this salute and leap into the fray! Brrp-brrp-brrp brrrrrp, brrp brrp brp-rp-brrrrp...

Captain Chef: Brrp-brrp-brrp-brrrrrrrp, brrp-brrlrp brp-brp brrrrrp...

Captain Chef: Brrrp, brp-brp-brrrp brrp brrrp, brrrrrp...


(Kill 5 attackers)

Captain Chef: Good show! These locals are jolly spirited, eh? You can't stop progress, but one has to admire their chops!


(Kill 10 attackers)

Captain Chef: Such an awful nuisance, I know, and one is so loathe to be the source of such inconvenience, but it's a jolly rum show of these fellows to take being discovered so sorely! It's enough to make one think they enjoy being comprehensibly slaughtered by advanced weaponry. I dare say they do. He's an odd chap, Johnny Foreigner, isn't he!


(Mechanism stuck)

Captain Chef: Well I never! The blasted thing's stuck! Be a sport and give the colors another hoist, would you?

Captain Chef: Brrp-brrp-brrp-brrrrrrrp, brrp-brrlrp brp-brp brrrrrp...


(Chef tires)

Captain Chef: I'm trying to... keep my salute... up... but... my arm... so painful... not sure... if... I can... hold it! Assist me if you would... This could be... our finest hour!

Captain Chef: Brrp-brrp-brrp-brrrrrrrp, brrp-brrlrp brp-brp brrrrrp...

Captain Chef: Salute support... required...

Captain Chef: Salute... failing!

Captain Chef: Can't... fail King... Greg... now!


(Place broom)

Captain Chef: By jove, that was a close one! Took me back to the great salute collapse of '42!


(Mechanism stuck)

Captain Chef: By jingo! Stuck again! Would you mind obliging with the honors one last time?

Captain Chef: Brrp-brrp-brrp-brrrrrrrp, brrp-brrlrp brp-brp brrrrrp...


(Flag hoisted)

Captain Chef: That's the ticket! Please remove the, um... assisting item.


(Remove broom)

Captain Chef: Well, thank goodness for that! I can finally put my arm down. Ahem. I now declare this whole place the property of King Greg! Hip-hip! Hurrah!


(Turn in)

Captain Chef: Oh, you seem to have made rather a lot of mess. Well, not to worry, these things tend to clear themselves up in the end.

Captain Chef: Well, mustn't loiter -- there's plenty of other undiscovered places out there waiting for me! Goodbye!

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