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To the Moon/Transcript

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(Accept mission)

Jack: So, YOU survived your little trip in the Moonshot Cannon, which got me to thinking -- what if we just used that thing to send everybody everywhere? That'd be freakin' sweet, right? I am gonna need more test data, though. One of Zarpedon's soldiers wants to defect to our side, so... why don't you convince HIM to go for a ride in the Moonshot Cannon?


(Approach soldier)

Jack: There's a lucky winner! Ask him if he'd be up for trying out a moonshot ride.


(Talk to soldier)

  • Athena (if present): Would you like to be shot out of a cannon at several hundred miles per hour?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Wanna get fired out of a big-ass gun? You'll prob'ly die!
  • Nisha (if present): Feel like being blasted out of a space cannon with no protective gear?
  • Claptrap (if present): Would YOU like the opportunity to scream through the skies at hundreds of miles per hour courtesy of the Helios Moonshot Cannon?
  • Jack2 (if present): Hey, uh -- d'you wanna jump into a Moonshot Cannon and be fired at a planet?
  • Aurelia (if present): Would you like to be fired out of a Moonshot Cannon? It's quite fun.

Defector: Uhh... no?

Jack: Alright, fair enough. I guess when you put it that way it does sound like a stupid-ass idea. Just... find a way to get him into the moonshot shell. I don't care how you do it.


(Use console)

  • Athena (if present): Does this button do something?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Let's press some buttons at random.
  • Nisha (if present): Eeny, meeny, meiney...
  • Claptrap (if present): Perhaps THIS button will do something!
  • Jack2 (if present): Oh. Wonder what THIS does.
  • Aurelia (if present): Push like so...

Defector: HOLY CRAP, PIZZA PARTY!

Jack: Aaand gotcha!

Defector: What the hell?! LET ME OUTTA HERE!

Jack: Now, just digistruct my experimental guidance system onto the shell. It'll override the default navigation and, uh, let me run some tests.


(Use console)

Jack: Alright, now follow the container upstairs, make sure nothing happens to it. Be careful that guidance thingy stays in one piece, or who knows where this thing'll end up.

Defector: You LIED to me! THIS PIZZA ISN'T EVEN REAL!


(Use console)

Defector: Nobody lies to me about pizza! NOBODY!

Defector: This is Private Ferro, requesting extraction at the moonshot facility! I have been captured by Jack's Vault Hunters!

Dahl Soldier: Vault Hunters?! All units, converge on that location!

Jack: Ah, crap. The little dork asked for help. Just protect the guidance system while the container gets loaded into the moonshot.


(While on conveyor)

Jack: Well, they're shooting the guidance system. No big deal if they break it, but, just so you know, the dude'll probably die. But, you know. Whatever.

Jack: Protect that guidance node!

Jack: They're hitting the guidance system.

Defector: Let me outta here! Is this how you treat your own troops?!

Defector: Once I get outta here, I'm gonna cram these digitized slices down your throat!

Defector: I don't wanna go to the moon! I friggin' hate the moon!

Defector: Somebody help me! Friggin' Vault Hunters are gonna shoot me out of a cannon!

Jack: The shell is loaded! Fire the moonshot!


(Use console)

Jack: Ahah, alright! Hey, guy? You make it? You alive? He's probably fine. Anyway Vault Hunters, I got a reward for you.

Jack: If you got time, feel free to check the moon's surface. See if the dude made it through.


(Enter landing place at Chunder's Hole in Triton Flats)

Jack: Hehehehehe, he died cause he liked pizza. Makes you think, though. Or something. I dunno, I just felt like saying something.


(Turn in)

Jack: Actually, now that I think about it... maybe we should have used the robots.

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