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Diary of a Madman Vol. 2

Aamarus October 16, 2009 User blog:Aamarus

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Uncharted 2: Among Thieves has been beaten. And now, it is forever out of my way. Now I have time to concentrate on the more-important parts of life:


Borderlands.


Only approximately One-Hundred and Eight hours left to go. Luckily, I will not end up hating my job even more, having booked off the 20th, and 21st, with the sole intention of doing nothing other than indulging myself in a vegetative state and not moving for as long as humanly possible. This plan may be ruined though, seeing as I seem to shake and laugh intensively when incredibly excited. I have this strange feeling that this will be the case. Oh well, Parker from Way of the Gun said, "A plan is just a list of things that don't happen." I am inclined to agree with him. Okay, where was I? RIGHT! OBSESSION, WEKEKEKEKE!


Webster's Dictionary defines Obsession as "An unhealthy and compulsive preoccupation with something or someone."


Meh, sounds about right, I suppose. Unhealthy is still yet to be decided, though. So where does that leave me? I have perused everything I could find out there on the vast interwebs about Borderlands (a'thank you, Google), so what can I possibly do to prepare myself for the life-altering events that will take place in approximately 107 hours? Huh? What's that you say? How comes it was 108 hours last time? My laundry was ready to come out of the dryer, okay? It was socks and undies. It needed to be matched, and folded correctly. It takes a while, especially when you consider that I have been putting off doing laundry for somewhere around two weeks. Golly, I have a lot socks. Ever notice that when you do laundry, you always seem to lose one sock somewhere? How does that happen? We may never know. BUT! I have a theory. When we finally make contact with Aliens, they are going to return three things to us: People, cows, and individual socks. I mean, it makes sense, right? Alien technology can not possibly be advanced enough to remove socks off of feet, or separate them from each other while they cower oh-so-afraid inside the security that is the top drawer. They know what fate may await them inside the tumble-dryer. Anywhoodledoo, before I start to ramble...


How does one prepare for Borderlands? Well, Thumb-Crunches are a good start. Just lock your fingers together, then have a Thumb War against yourself. Oh my! Don't forget to stretch them first, we can't have you pulling a muscle this close to B-Day. Not Birthday, you jerk. That's been replaced by Borderlands Day. So stretch up really good, then battle yourself!


Now, if you didn't do that, skip down to the next paragraph. But, if you actually tried any of that, I want you to keep reading. This one is the most important part. I want you to hold out whatever hand you use most, and stare at your palm. Now wiggle your fingers for at least Two and Three-Eighths of a second. Now, keeping your face forward, move your hand to your left or right side, respectively. Once you've completed that, it's time to move on to the next, and easily the funnest part of this exercise. Move your hand as fast as you can, and make it contact whichever side if your face it is closest to. Like you can actually Thumb-Wrestle yourself. And even if you could, do you really think it would leave you in better condition to play Borderlands? Anyways, if you wiggled your thumb when I told you to wiggle your fingers, go back to the start of this paragraph, and start it again.


The real way to prepare? Watch Mad Max, Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior, and Max Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome. It's not about physical ability and stamina, it's about getting in the mind-set to endure the grueling (yet excruciatingly exhilarating) hours of play that await us. Sure, there's no Mel Gibson in Borderlands, and I pray to Maynard James Keenan my Lord and Savior every night that it stays that way, but that doesn't make it any less fun. In fact, I'd bet that it actually makes Borderlands a lot better. If you're a Mel Gibson fan, that's alright. I mean, we all make bad choices, right? If you don't own the Mad Max Trilogy like any self-respecting human being, you will just have to "Go out and rent it." If you've spent even a small amount of time on the internet, you'll know what I mean by that. But what will Mad Max do for you? That's simple. It will put you in the Zone. No, not auto-zone. The Zone Zone. I don't really know how to describe the Zone, other than to call it the Zone. If you don't know what I'm talking about, that's totally fine. If you do, than thank you for being. If you're in the Zone, you will be able to react faster, think quicker, win easier, and even moonwalk more-gracefully. If you're in the Zone in the Zone, you may even be able to Robot more Robotically.


/Tangent. does the word "Zone" look funny to you now? I've typed it and read it a lot in the last minute or so, and now it almost looks wrong. It's strange how that happens. Usually it happens with words that I say out loud a lot. Ever just think about words, and wonder how many syllables they have? No, it's not a dumb question. Take the word "Mirror" for example. you can pronounce it Mee-rohr, or you can pronounce it Meer. Same thing with the with word "Drawer." /End Tangent


In case you're wondering, and I know you're not but that's okay, I still haven't been able to create a decent build for any of the characters. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to figure out what path to choose until I get my hands on my oh-so-pre-ordered copy of Borderlands for PS3. Speaking of PS3, feel free to add me as a friend if you wish. My name is the same there as it is here. Just include that you're from here in the message so I don't get creeped out my getting random friend invites. Maybe we'll even play together some day. Anyways, I love playing Rogue and Assassin-type characters, however, the healer will be infinitely more useful to a group, I'm sure. Mordecai has some pretty amazing-looking skills that I like. I'm a huge fan of Pistols, and he does have quite a lot of nifty dealios for them. Just need to get me some Castor Troys so I can be all bling-a-zing-a-lingin' while I'm droppin' foos. Holy Frak, I'm white. Also, if you get the Castor Troy reference, I love you.


So Lilith has some sneakiness to her, but nothing that's really worth noting in regards to being rogue-ish. The class is too focused on Phasewalking for my taste. But as soon as I take Lilith out of the "Rogue Box" and look at her in terms of general use and functionality, she looks quite amazing. Le sigh. Decisions. There has only been two decisions that I have really come to.

1. I want to drive. someone else can shoot. I'm driving.

2. Not going to be the tank. If the tank doesn't have a Sword and Shield, I'm not touching it. Sorry Brick, but I'm throwing you out the window. Sorry Mom, I'll clean up the glass later. And sorry, Ms. Johnson's Cat, I didn't know Ms. Johnson was walking on the sidewalk.


Looks like I have more to dwell on. Be sure to keep reading. Next time, I give you the real truth about Skittles.

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