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Zapped 3.0/Transcript

< Zapped 3.0

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(Accept mission)

Springs: I was going to tweak your gun so it shoots explosive rounds -- tons of fun, though you'd need to watch where you fire the thing -- but change of plan. I've got it doing corrosive damage; wanna give it a go? Please?

Springs: Tops! Here ya go, handle with care and all that. I, uh, recently took delivery of some claptrap units: Turns out the bloody things' main processors are totally fried -- which would explain why they were so ruddy cheap! Anyway, put 'em out of their misery, would ya? Need me to tell you where they are? Thought not.

Springs: If you want to take down something made of metal, a corrosive weapon's your best bet.


(Corrode 1 CL4P-TP)

Malfunctioning CL4P-TP: I DON'T WANT... TO... DIE!

Springs: Don't worry, that'll be some residual data. That clappy's a total vegetable. Or mineral. Probably.


(Kill 5 CL4P-TPs)

Springs: Good job, come on back. I'll give that laser one last tweak and you can keep it.

Torgue: NOW HOLD ON ONE MOTHER-****ING MINUTE! "PEW-PEW-PEW!" LIGHT GUNS?! SERIOUSLY?! WANT A REAL WEAPON, FUELED BY THE AWESOME POWER OF EXPLOSIONS?! THE ANSWER IS YES!

  • Athena (if present): You've got a proposal?
  • Wilhelm (if present): Maybe.
  • Nisha (if present): I'm all ears.
  • Claptrap (if present): I just might, Mr. Torgue, sir!
  • Jack2 (if present): Do go on, loud guy.
  • Aurelia (if present): I don't care for you.

Torgue: I'M ON A BAD-*** MISSION TO EXPLODE ALL *****-*** LASER WEAPONS! HAUL *** TO THE COORDINATES I'M SMACKING INTO YOUR ECHO, AND WAIT FOR INSTRUCTIONS! FAILURE TO DO THIS WILL RESULT IN YOU BEING BRANDED A HUGE A-HOLE!


(Arrive at coordinates)

Torgue: ALRIGHT, SO YOU GOT COJONES! STAND STILL, I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET HIT BY THIS! THOUGH THAT WOULD BE KINDA AWESOME!

Torgue: SEE THAT HOMING BEACON? GRAB IT!


(Pick up beacon)

Springs: Uh, are you still dropping off that laser? Feels like you're taking a long time getting back to me.

Torgue: DON'T ANSWER! YOU'RE TOO BUSY DOING AWESOME STUFF! PUT THE BEACON ON THE GROUND WHERE YOUR ECHO SAYS! RESPECT THE ECHO!


(Place beacon)

Torgue: PUT THAT FLIM-FLAM PIECE OF LASER TRASH NEXT TO THE BEACON AND STAND FAR AWAY, 'CAUSE THINGS ARE GONNA FRICKIN' MOTHER-EXPLODE!


(Place gun)

Torgue: I'VE PICKED AN AWESOME SPOT FOR YOU TO WATCH THE SHOW! HURRY UP, I HATE WAITING!


(Arrive at vantage point)

Torgue: NOTHING SAYS I HATE YOU LIKE 50 ****ING BARRELS OF HI-GRADE EXPLOSIVE INSIDE A SPACESHIP SENT HURTLING INTO A WEAPON THAT IS A TRAVESTY TO NATURE! MOWWMOWWMOWWMEEDLYMOWWWWW!

Torgue: OH, WAIT! (guitar music plays)

Torgue: WEEEEEOWWWMOWWMOWMOWMOWWWWOWOW OWWWOWWW! HA-HA! (spaceship crashes into beacon and laser)

Torgue: YEAHHHH! THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT! YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY AN AMBASSADOR OF EXPLOSIONS!

Springs: Uh, why do I get the feeling I won't be seeing that laser any time soon. Big shame, right there.


(Turn in)

Torgue: IN RECOGNITION OF SERVICES RENDERED TO EXPLOSIONS, ACCEPT THIS TOTALLY GENEROUS REWARD! LATER!

Springs: Aww, I was gonna tweak that laser so it dealt shock damage. You could have used it to quickly take down enemy's shields! Or make 'em dance funny! Oh well.

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